Six Months
by yabooklover
Summary: Sequel to 'I Chose Abnegation' (continues directly after the ending, before the epilogue). Follow Tris and Tobias' difficult and emotional six month journey while she is suffering from partial memory loss and paralysation. They have to adjust to their new life in the improved city, while also taking care of each other.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**This story continues directly after the ending of "I Chose Abnegation." (written by myself) If you haven't read it then I suggest you do, so that this story makes sense :) It follows the difficult 6 month period that Tris and Tobias had to live through while they were coming to terms with life in the new city and Tris' disability. Please leave a review if you can, let me know what kind of thing you would like to see in this story or if you have any ideas. You can also PM me if you prefer. **

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><p><span>Six Months<span>

_**Previously...**_

_"__I came to say goodbye." I say. _

_"__Where are you going?" _

_"__Back to the city. To start a new life." She nods her head in reply, obviously feeling guilty that she doesn't feel the sadness that I feel. I want to touch Tris one last time. I want to hear one last word escape from her lips. I want to see her eyes light up one last time. I want one last kiss. But she is already gone, leaving only her body and former self. _

_"__Do you have to go?" She whispers. I can't imagine that she really wants me to stay. Why would she? Why would she ask that if she doesn't remember me?_

_I avoid her question, "can I kiss you goodbye?" _

_She thinks for a second, swallows hard, and looks at me. "Yes," she whispers. _

_I lean in and kiss her softly on the lips, she pulls away a little and doesn't kiss back. But I keep my lips on hers, trying to pretend that this is the Tris that I love. Then, my heart rate picks up and she surprises me. She kisses back, and it almost feels like I really am kissing my Tris for a moment. She deepens the kiss and brings her arms up around my neck, pulling me in closer. I pull away and look into her eyes, searching them. She gives me a small smile and a tear falls across her cheek. She is starting to tremble, and her eyes are filled with a mixture of sadness and hope._

_"__I've missed kissing you….Tobias."_

**Tris**

I hear a beeping, no, screeching. It's immensely high pitched, and starting to give me a headache. I see Cara and Matthew run through the doors, Tobias' hand grips mine firmly.

"What's happening?" Tobias shouts. I have a terrible feeling of jamais vu; everything's familiar but it isn't. A feeling of blind terror and panic washes over me, and I can't think. My eyes dart around the room but I can't see. My body starts to shake and convulse uncontrollably.

"She's having a seizure!" Cara grabs my wrists, and presses them against the bed firmly. I'm starting to lose my grip on reality, all I can feel is pain and fear.

"A seizure? How?" Tobias voice shrieks, it makes me panic more.

"It's psychogenic, her mind is under a lot of stress. Matthew! Get the syringe!" She tells Tobias to grab my wrists, while she holds my head in place. Then I feel a sharp pain in my neck before I sink into total blackness.

…

I can hear voices. Quiet, hushed whispers. Although, they feel a world away from my own. My eyelids stat to twitch, letting in a glimpse of blinding light. I move my head and twitch my fingers, but that's all that I can move.

"Tris?" A familiar, gentle voice whispers. I gasp and try to open my eyes but they won't budge. I don't know how long I wait until I eventually manage to flutter my eyelids open. They feel heavy and unfamiliar, I feel as though I'm looking at everything through a clouded lens. Then my eyes focus slightly, and I see him sitting next to me. His hair has grown out considerably, and he looks worse than he did before.

"Hey, you're okay," says Tobias, rubbing my arm.

"I-" my voice cracks and croaks, I want to speak but I can't. My mouth is too dry, too scratchy against my shrivelled tongue.

"Shh. Here, try and have some water." He holds the cup to my mouth and I lean forward ever so slightly as he starts to tip the water into my mouth. Some of it runs out past my lips, but the rest I manage to swallow. He wipes the dribbled water away with a tissue. The action is both caring and degrading at the same time. "Better?"

"Yeah, as good as I'll ever be."

"Don't talk like that, you're going to be fine. We'll get you fixed up. Don't worry, just rest for now." His smile is familiar and reassuring, it warms me to my core, a feeling of safety washed over me for reasons that I cannot explain.

"I feel strange."

"You've had a lot of drugs. They're calming you down and taking the pain away."

"Tris? Is she awake?" A girl's voice speaks and opens the door.

"Christina, no visitors!" Tobias shouts.

"I just wanted to see how she was doing, I'm sorry-"

"You need to leave. It will stress her out," he cuts her off and walks to the door, closing it again.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"No one. It's okay, you'll be able to deal with all of that when you're ready. Right now, just focus on feeling better."

I stare into his deep blue eyes, they're enchanting in their own way, but they remind me of something else. My head pounds slightly, signifying that my brain is working too hard. But I can't stop it, the image of what I'm trying to remember is right here in front of me, yet I can't- _stars_. Of course, how could I forget? He showed me the stars. He showed me the night sky and I saw how similar it was to his own glistening irises.

"We lay underneath the stars," I smile at him.

"You remember?" His voice uncertain yet hopeful.

"Of course. I remember most things about you, since you kissed me. What happened?"

"Well, after you remembered my name, you became very stressed. I suppose it was too much for your mind to handle, remembering so much at once. You had a seizure, but you're alright now, it won't happen again. We'll be careful in future, you won't be allowed visitors for a couple of weeks."

"Will you tell them? Tell them that I'm sorry. I suppose there are quite a few people who I've forgotten."

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll remember them eventually. They understand."

I nod my head and look down at my useless limbs, the ones that I can't even feel anymore. I don't know which disability is worse, my strayed memory or paralysed legs.

"Hey," he whispers, stroking a piece of my knotted hair and putting it behind my ear. "You should get some sleep."

"So should you," I muster a quiet laugh.

"I don't want to leave you."

"Then don't, stay with me." If I could move over on the bed I would, instead I just pat at the inches-worth of space next to me, in hope that he could squeeze on. He smiles slightly and stands up from the rigid chair, he takes away the sheet that covers me and ever so carefully lifts me just enough so that he can move me to the end of the bed and make space for himself. He organises the tubes and wires that tangle around my body so that he doesn't lie on them, and arranges me so that I'm comfortable. He covers us both up with the sheet, and takes my hand in his. I wish I could be closer to him- _hotel_ _room_. My face flushes at my rediscovered memory of what happened that night in the hotel room.

"You okay?" He must notice my body tensing slightly, and my red-stained cheeks. I turn and smile at him, reassuringly.

"I'm fine. Just so many questions, and so much exhaustion."

"We can fill you in on everything when you've had a good sleep. Just close your eyes for now." His voice rumbles as he murmurs quietly to me, it soothes me to sleep.

…

I slept until the next morning, comforted in Tobias' arms. Matthew is doing some physical therapy work on my legs and lower body, to keep the circulation going and to try and strengthen up my muscles.

"Can you teach me how to do it?" Tobias asks him, I know that there's two reasons for this: 1) He wants to help me, and 2) He's jealous of Matthew touching me. I can't say I mind either way.

"Sure, come here I'll show you what to do," he replies. They spend the next hour working on my legs, I'm thankful that I now wear a t-shirt and shorts instead of that stupid hospital gown.

"I think I've had enough now," I say.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. Four, if you just keep doing this twice a day that would be great. Tris if you need anything from me and Cara just press that buzzer," he smiles at me. I'm thankful that I have Matthew and Cara, I don't think I would have survived otherwise. The room is silent when Matthew leaves, and Tobias sits on the chair next to me.

"I want to know what happened," I whisper. Tobias looks at me and heaves a sigh. He holds my hand and begins his long story about the war on Abnegation, Jeanine Matthews, and the work of the Bureau. We talk for a few hours about everything. He's hesitant, but I assure him that I can handle it. I accept that there are many people who I have loved and forgotten, but the first step to remembering is learning. It's going to be a long and difficult road, but I know, I just know that I can handle it.

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><p><em><strong>Coming up...<strong>_

_"Tris, don't do this please! You'll hurt yourself," Tobias pleads, his face looks wet with tears. I try to turn over but cry in pain when I twist my shoulder. I pull the clip off my finger and try to rip the name band around my arm. I take the cannula out of my nose and scratch and pull at the skin on my legs, trying to lift them up and get them to move, I start to bruise and bleed. Tobias grabs my hands and keeps them still while Cara fits the cannula back on and re-arranges the tubes. I try to thrash against his grip but it's no use, without my legs I can't wriggle free. I am helpless._

_"No!" I break down into loud, frantic sobs. "I don't want this, I don't want it," sobs continue to wrack through my body. I slam my head back against the bed frame repeatedly, it pounds and my body aches. _

_"Four, hold her down," Cara commands. _

_"I'm sorry Tris." _

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Thank you for the follows/favs/reviews. They make the hours spent writing worthwhile! :) **

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><p><span>Chapter 2<span>

"The scans show that the death serum is still in your body. It contaminates your brain and muscles. Your brain is already recovering quickly, due to its high moisture content. However, it's not the same story for your muscles. The serum has weakened them considerably, to the point where they won't be able to support your own weight for a long time, if they ever will. The muscle tissue is not completely destroyed, which is a good sign, because it means that there is a chance that they can be repaired enough for you to move your own legs," Cara explains.

"Why can't she feel anything in her hips and legs? Why is just that part of her body affected?" Tobias asks.

"We're not sure. It's a possibility that the serum either drained itself to the lower part of her body when she was in the upright position, or due to the fact that the death serum quantity was higher towards the ground in the activation room. Its density is heavy, so it tends to sink to the ground, almost like a tank full of water."

"So what do we do now?"

"Well, no one has ever survived the death serum before, so we have no experience in treating it. We're creating a counter-action serum that will hopefully break down the molecules in the remaining death serum, and drain it out of her body. Until then, we have to treat her as a trauma patient. As if she's been in an accident, fallen down the stairs for instance."

"Will I ever be able to walk again?" My voice trembles, and tears are forming in my eyes.

"I can't say at this point. We're going to try everything, but honestly, you're just lucky to have some of your memory back, not to mention being alive."

"So I take that as a no," I snap. Tobias grabs my hand and tries to calm me down.

"Don't get testy, Tris. Matthew and I are devoting our time to helping you. It's not our fault you have ended up this way. It was your choice to enter that activation room," Cara sneers.

"My choice? I don't even remember why I did it!" I start to shout, "just fix me! I want to be fixed! I didn't want this to happen!"

"Tris, please try to calm down-"

"No! Do you have any idea what this is like? I'm pathetic! I can't do anything!" I scream and pull my shaking hand away from Tobias. I start to pull on the tubes that connect me to various machines. I want to be free from this, I want to get up and walk away. Cara grabs my hands to try and stop me from pulling on the wires. "Leave me alone!" My voice is full of rage and desperation, this is a girl who I do not know.

"Tris, don't do this please! You'll hurt yourself," Tobias pleads, his face looks wet with tears. I try to turn over but cry in pain when I twist my shoulder. I pull the clip off my finger and try to rip the name band around my arm. I take the cannula out of my nose and scratch and pull at the skin on my legs, trying to lift them up and get them to move, I start to bruise and bleed. Tobias grabs my hands and keeps them still while Cara fits the cannula back on and re-arranges the tubes. I try to thrash against his grip but it's no use, without my legs I can't wriggle free. I am helpless.

"No!" I break down into loud, frantic sobs. "I don't want this, I don't want it," sobs continue to wrack through my body. I slam my head against the bed frame repeatedly, it pounds and my body aches.

"Four, hold her down," Cara commands.

"I'm sorry Tris."

…

There's silence, only the sound of deep breathing. I open my eyes to the moonlight illuminating the room, the clock reads 3am. My body feels heavier than it did before, and I feel at ease. There's a weight on my stomach, Tobias' head. He has the chair pulled up to my bed, and his head rests across my stomach, facing me while he sleeps. His deep breathing is soothing, his body heat comforting. He doesn't deserve the pain and stress that I'm putting him through, although he doesn't admit it, I know that him seeing me like this is painful. I place my hand in his dark brown hair, it's messy but feels soft when I stroke it and tangle my fingers in it. My other hand runs over his face, his facial hair has grown out considerably, and he has dark circles under his eyes. I trace the shape of his lips with my thumb, and his eyes start to flutter open. He smiles a heart wrenching smile when he sees me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't apologise," he murmurs sleepily.

"I don't know what's happened to me," I look down at my lap.

"Hey, it's okay." He lifts his head and takes my hand in his. "You've been through so much. You're so strong Tris. So brave."

"If I was strong then I would be able to cope."

"You can cope, you will cope. Just the fact that your heart is beating alone shows how strong you are. This is going to be difficult, no one said that it was going to be easy. But I'm here for you, I always will be."

"Promise?"

"I Promise," his voice is determined and certain.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," I laugh.

"You're just…you. I fell for you as soon as I saw you, when I didn't even know your name. It's that determination in your eyes, your kind smile, your thoughtful expressions. All the little things that make you who you are."

"I guess I'll have to take your word for it then."

"I guess you will," he smirks.

Tobias continues to tell me about the different memories that we shared, the small ones that I had forgotten. But it's the small ones that were the best: the stolen glances, words of love and affection. It helps to jog my memory and I feel closer to him, I know that he's going to take care of me and help me. I look at him with a feeling that's so strong I can't explain it. If I knew any better, I would say that it's love.

…

"I know I'm just going to have to apologise to her, it's okay," I say.

"Tris you don't need to apologise, your reaction is normal. She shouldn't have said that it was your choice," Matthew reassures. He's come in to sort my Drip out and hand me clean clothes, the only issue is how I'm going to get them on.

"I need to apologise so that she'll come in here. No offence Matthew but I really don't fancy you giving me a sponge bath," I laugh.

"No, Four wouldn't be too pleased if I did."

"Well she's the only one who I want help from. I don't know anyone else and I want to hold onto the last shred of dignity that I share with Four."

"Just stay here, I'll drag her in," he leaves to go and find Cara. When she comes back into the room, her head is down and she looks indifferent. She starts to get the water and my toiletries ready, and places the clothes on the table next to me. She rips the sheet from my body in temper, and starts to tug on my arms, about to take the gown off.

"Matthew? Some privacy please?" She snaps. Matthew grabs her arm and takes her to the far end of the room.

"This is your job, your duty," he whispers harshly. "You need to set aside any personal problems and help her, nicely! If it weren't for her, the city wouldn't have been saved, and we'd all be in grave trouble with the Bureau." Cara yanks her arm away and walks back over to me. Matthew leaves the room and locks the door behind him. I'm upset that she's acting this way towards me, especially when she has to look after me. I don't want her so close. She starts to brush through my hair and washes it, along with the rest of me. I brush my teeth and she dresses me in new, clean clothes. They're just pyjamas but all I do is lie in bed so it wouldn't be comfortable to wear normal clothes, and I hate the stupid gowns. Once I'm dressed, she brushes through my wet hair and starts to braid it for me.

"I am thankful for you, Tris," she says. It surprises me that she said anything at all. I don't reply, I just let her continue. "I know this is really hard for you, and I'm sorry. I do want to help you, and I shouldn't have said those things. They all talk about you, you know. Everyone in the Bureau, all your old friends. They love you so much, and they're so grateful that you were willing to sacrifice yourself. I suppose I got annoyed because I helped too, I mean, it was my plan for God's sake. But they continue to dislike me because I used to be chummy with your brother, who no longer remembers me."

"Why doesn't he remember you?"

"Four hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?" My heart rate picks up, I remember some childhood memories with Caleb, and Tobias told me about the betrayal but also how I wanted to forgive him, but I know nothing about what he's doing now.

"Forget I said anything, wait until you see Four."

"God damn it Cara tell me!" I'm starting to shout, but I need to keep it under control this time.

"I can't tell you! Four is in charge of what we say to you and who you're allowed to see, you'll have to ask him."

"No! It's my own mind, I decide what it is I want to hear!"

Cara looks down for a second and heaves a sigh, contemplating whether she should tell me or not. "The memory serum effected Caleb, I'm sorry Tris, he's forgotten everything."

My eyes widen as I stare at her in shock. The only blood relative that I have left no longer remembers who I am. I have just discovered the loss of all of my family members within a couple of days. This journey is going to be harder than I thought it would be.

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><p><em><strong>Coming up...<strong>_

_"That's him? Isn't it?" My voice croaks. I look at the boy who is standing in front of the window, looking directly at me. _

_"Yes," he sighs. This is the boy who constantly features in my dreams, the figure that I could barely put a face to. However, he looks less haunted. "Do you have the letter?" _

_I continue to twiddle the folded piece of paper in my hands, looking out of the window._

**Who do you think 'The boy?' is? Let me know in a review for next update :) Thanks for your support! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

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><p><span>Chapter 3<span>

"When I dragged you and Caleb out of the activation room, I poured the inoculation serum into your mouth in hope that you wouldn't lose your memory. However I only had one vial left after inoculating myself, so Caleb was exposed to the memory serum that we set off, just like the rest of the Bureau," Tobias tells me.

"Couldn't he have gone to the safe room like the others?" My voice barely a whisper.

"He had about two minutes to get there before it wiped his brain completely, so I told him to run. But he didn't. He insisted on staying with me and was working on trying to revive you, until he just…vanished. The look in his eyes changed and he stopped what he was doing, he was asking me who you were and what was going on. Luckily by that time, all the guards had stopped shooting and coming after us because they had lost their memories too."

I feel a sharp pang in my chest. I thought I had taken Caleb's chance of sacrifice away from him but I was wrong. He sacrificed his memory to try and save me. My heart yearns for a brother who is no longer here, someone who I can barely remember.

"What does he know? Is he still confused?"

"He knows about the Bureau and the factions, but nothing about his personal journey," Tobias says.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because, you're his only family member, so it's your choice what people tell him. Just like how it's been my choice for what people say to you."

"I don't get why we can't all just be truthful? Why is it up to you what I know? Why is it up to me what he knows?"

"It would cause too much stress to just tell you both everything at once. We've been through such an ordeal, but little things along the way have helped us to cope with them. When you forget these things, and forget why all that stuff happened, it makes it too hard to deal with."

"So the betrayal, he might find it too hard to live with because he doesnt remember the reasons why he did it?"

"Exactly."

"And he won't remember what he said and did to redeem himself?"

"No. But Tris, you've been through so much, and I think he wants to know everything. It's your decision whether you tell him what happened or not."

"And what's the benefit of me telling him?"

"You can gain some closure in your relationship with him, and he will know everything about himself. You'll be able to answer all of his questions."

I honestly can't decide what to do. It seems unfair that Caleb's fate is in my hands, especially when I can't fully remember everything myself. Do I even want to see him again? Technically, my brother has died. The person in Caleb's body is someone who I have never met before. It may be too painful to see him look a me with a blank, unknowing expression. Even though I myself do not remember the betrayal first hand, I still remember some of our childhood memories.

"You could always write him a letter? It would be easier than telling him face to face. I could give it to him," Tobias continues. I contemplate this idea, before deciding to give it a whirl.

"Paper and a pen?" I ask him quietly. He sighs and smiles slightly, rubbing circles on my hand before leaning over to the drawers and pulling out a pad and pen for me to write with. He situates my small bed table in front of me and places the writing material on it. He tells me that he'll give me some time alone to put some words together, and heads out the door. Surprisingly, it takes me a while to write such a short letter. But I never knew how difficult it would be to tell a person about all the terrible and wonderful things they have been through in their life.

_Dear Caleb,_

_My name is Tris, your sister. I'm sure people have told you about me, and you know that we were together on the day that we released the memory serum. I am also sure that you have many questions about yourself, some which have not yet been answered. Before I tell you everything, I just want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for the betrayal. When we were younger, and living in Abnegation, you would always tell me to be more selfless. I constantly tried to be like you, always helping others, being kind and respectful towards our mother and father. They both loved you with all their hearts, and I am sure that even now, they would still love you. You transferred to Erudite, because of how intelligent and curious you were. You did well there, some may say too well. After the war on Abnegation, we found each other again. However, you lead me to Erudite headquarters, because you knew that I was Divergent, and the leader Jeanine Matthews wanted to experiment and test Divergents. I was close to death after everything they did to me. Ever since then, I was never able to look at you in the same way. You volunteered to sacrifice yourself because you wanted to be forgiven. You did a terrible thing, and honestly, I can't really remember it myself. I just get a feeling of intense sadness when people tell me all these things, even though I can't remember, I still feel. But I also feel hope. There is hope for you, as well as forgiveness. I understand that you were not at your best hour when you betrayed me, but you were truly sorry for what you did. You also sacrificed your entire memory to save my hopeless life. After everything that has happened, I know that life is too short, too precious for anger. Please, remember this. Don't feel angry at yourself, but marvel at all you have been through, the kind of person you became. I know it was a rough road to get to where you were, but I believe that eventually, you would have become a beautiful person, filled with compassion and understanding. After all, we're just kids who were forced to grow up too quickly, of course we were going to make mistakes. And that is why I still love you, always will. Just like the rest of my broken family. _

_-Beatrice. _

I continue to read the letter, wondering if there is more that could be said. I know that words cannot possibly describe the things that we have gone through together, but it is too difficult for me to explain, considering I only know the things that Tobias has told me. I have a headache, and decide to finally fold up the letter and sign his name on the front. I start to imagine his reaction when he reads this letter. Will he feel closure? Confusion? Anger? I honestly don't know. Maybe it will be harder for him than it was for me. I press the buzzer, alerting the fact that I need assistance. Cara comes rushing through the door.

"Everything okay?" She asks.

"Yes, fine. Could you get Four? Tell him the letter is ready," she looks confused but nods her head and leaves the room. I twiddle the paper around in my fingers, creasing it ever so slightly. My heart it beating faster and I feel nervous. Soon, I look out of the windows of my room that face the corridors. I see Tobias and a tall boy with blonde hair walk past. The boy waits outside while Tobias comes into my room, giving me a sympathetic look.

"That's him? Isn't it?" My voice croaks. I look at the boy who is standing in front of the window, looking directly at me.

"Yes," he sighs. This is the boy who constantly features in my dreams, the figure that I could barely put a face to. However, he looks less haunted. "Do you have the letter?"

I continue to twiddle the folded piece of paper in my hands, looking out of the window. The boy's eyes look innocent, almost carefree. Caleb in my dreams looked beaten down by life, damaged beyond repair. When I look at him, I see hope. He has a chance that none of us have, a chance of a new life, unaffected by his old one. Then it dawns on me, I can't break him. Giving him this letter would destroy this innocent person. This person is not my brother, he's not the person who betrayed me, the person who was wracked with guilt. He is someone new, someone who never committed a crime, and has a chance to start over.

"No," I say. "Just tell him to leave the Bureau. Start a new life. I don't want to see him."

Tobias' face contorts with thoughtfulness, thinking about what I just said. He walks up to me slowly and leans down, kissing my forehead. "You're very brave Tris, and selfless. Not many people would have done something so kind." I look up at him and smile, as he wipes the tears away from my eyes. He leaves the room, and talks to the boy. The boy takes one glance at me, smiling a little, and then walks away. I will never see my brother again.

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><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_"I can't do this anymore," I whine quietly._

_"I know," he sighs, "I'm going to tell Matthew and Cara to stop giving it to you now. We should have already seen the effects, and your health is deteriorating."_

_"But Tobias this was my last chance. If this doesn't work, nothing will. I'm going to be stuck like this forever."_

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Thanks for the reviews, it means a lot :)**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4<span>

_**4 weeks later…**_

My neck hunches over into the bowl that Tobias placed in front of me. I've been throwing up for the past two hours, and I feel incredibly weak. Cara and Matthew have had me hooked up to the counter-action serum by IV for three weeks now. It's supposed to destroy the remaining death serum in my body, but so far all it's doing is making me incredibly nauseas. I can't even eat real food any more, and I've lost a lot of weight. I look even worse than when I was still a scrawny Abnegation girl. Tobias rubs my back as I empty the tube-fed food out of my stomach. When I think I'm finally done, I lean my head back onto the bed and he pats my brow with a cool, damp wash cloth.

"I can't do this anymore," I whine quietly.

"I know," he sighs, "I'm going to tell Matthew and Cara to stop giving it to you now. We should have already seen the effects, and your health is deteriorating."

"But Tobias this was my last chance. If this doesn't work, nothing will. I'm going to be stuck like this forever." I try to hold back the tears that my body is nearly too weak to let out.

"You're not. I'm sure it will make its own way out of your muscles. I mean, you've already gotten more of your memory back." He's right. In the last few weeks, I've started to remember names. Uriah was the first person who I asked for, and then I started to remember Christina, when she cut my hair. I can't clearly picture what they look like, however. But I will be able to see them all soon when my health is better. Right now I have to avoid any kind of stress.

"But what am I going to do if this is it for me? Am I just going to stay here in the Bureau forever?"

"No. We'll sort something out, and I can look after you."

"Tobias, no. I'm holding you back. You could be out there starting a new life, but instead your stuck here with a girl who looks like death and struggled to remember your last name. What about _your_ future? I'm not going to be able to do anything with you, I won't even be able to have childr-"

"Tris, leave it!" He interrupts me, "who says I even want those things? You're what I want. You're my future. End of discussion."

I stare at his furrowed brow and slight look of panic. I know he deserves better than me but I can't push him away, not if this is what he wants. That doesn't discourage the feeling of sadness I feel, though. He has so much potential, and I have none.

…

When Tobias leaves to shower, change and eat, Cara comes in to sit with me. My health has gotten so bad that I apparently need a baby-sitter with me, twenty-four seven. She helped me change and did my hair as per usual. Although, it's becoming increasingly brittle and looks more like a mound of straw on my head. The dark circles under my eyes are unmissable, and I have to use lip balm every five minutes on my chapped lips. When I'm refreshed, she sits back down on the chair and starts to mindlessly flick through various health forms.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," she blurts out.

"W-what?" I stutter.

"I'm sorry, Tris. I'm leaving with Caleb. We're going to be the first ones to venture back into the city. There are a few abandoned laboratories and a large city hospital that we want to reopen. It's going to take some time, but eventually we want to settle on that end of the city and work there."

"_Together_?"

"Yes…together. I suppose we've grown quite fond of each other. Anyway, once we search the place and see if it's all possible, a couple of others are going to join us there. Obviously, the plan is that eventually we will all emigrate back into the city. They're currently working on setting up a new government."

"What will I do without you?"

She heaves a long sigh, looking back up at me. "You're going to be fine. Matthew is much more medically experienced than I am, and Four seems to have picked up on everything that we've shown him. Heck, he's probably even capable of looking after you himself." She's right, he's a fast learner. He knows all my medications, the doses, and how to administer them. He has a much better understanding of my condition than I do. But I hate him seeing me like this, and it's just another chance for his life to be put on hold. Clothing, feeding and medicating his limp, almost lifeless girlfriend. "Caleb needs to get out of here, soon. He's going out of his mind and we won't even tell him anything. He needs to start a new life because right now he's continuing to live in one that he doesn't remember."

"I understand."

I watch as she nods and leaves the room, silently screaming inside at the fact that I can't go with her. The last place I want to be is stuck in the Bureau forever.

…

"Just push it towards me more," I demand, feeling uncomfortable.

"I don't want to strain you," says Tobias, while stretching out my leg.

"You're not straining me."

"How do you know? You won't be able to feel it if I injure you."

"You're not going to injure me! Just please work the muscle a bit more. My legs are starting to look too skinny."

"They look fine, Tris. You worry too much. They're not going to get muscular just by doing this anyway." I look at him and pout my lip a little, like a child who's parents just refused to give her candy. He stops what he's doing and glares at me, smirking a little. "That's not going to get you what you want."

"Then what will?" I return his smirk. He starts to lean in towards my lips but I laugh and swat him away. "Not unless you work my muscles harder!" He shakes his head slightly, smiling to himself.

"You're too stubborn," he says, "always have been."

"I thought you said you liked all those things about me?" He starts to bend my leg and push it up towards my torso, stretching my thigh muscle.

"I do-" I cut him off by letting out a loud cry of pain. A sharp, stabbing sensation presses through my body, and my breathing hitches.

"Tris! Are you okay? I told you it would hurt you!" He puts my leg back down and rushes up to me, smoothing my hair down while I moan in pain. "Where does it hurt?"

"My hip," I cry, gritting my teeth. He nods his head and and moves over to look at my body, but then he stops in his tracks, matching my startled expression.

"D-did you just say…_your hip?_" He murmurs in disbelief. I realise, I'm not supposed to feel my hips. Not pain, not tension, not touch, nothing. I haven't felt a single thing in my lower body since the accident, until now.

"Yes," I whisper. He grasps my head in his hands and leans his forehead agains mine. Then, I start to twitch my hip slightly. We both look down, and see that I can almost lift the right side of my body off the bed. I'm sure that without all the physical therapy, my muscles would not have been strong enough to do that. We look into each other's eyes and see something that we haven't seen for a long time. A future.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_Tears start to form in my eyes when I take a closer look at him. I remember him with a bright smile and glistening eyes. He was innocent and carefree, with youthful skin and healthy glow. Now, he looks beaten down by life._

_"What happened to him?" I whisper to Tobias, trying to hold back the tears._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 5<span>

**_One week later..._**

"Just breathe," he says. I grit my teeth and nod my head, fighting the dizziness and feeling of nausea that overcomes me. This is the second time in the past week that I have tried to get out of bed. I started practicing sitting up the day after I felt the pain in my hips. "Take it slowly, just stay where you are for a minute." I'm sat on the edge of the bed with my legs hanging over the edge, Tobias is holding me upright and I lean my head against his chest, taking deep breaths.

"My back hurts, I think it would be better if I just sat in the chair now," I say in-between breaths.

"Alright, on three?" I nod my head in reply. "One..two…" He lifts me up from the bed, keeping me in the upright position. An unsettling weightless, numb feeling passes through me, before he sets me down in the chair. He gets me into a comfortable position and starts to strap me in, there are two straps across my legs and one across my torso, to keep me from falling out. This is the first time that I've left my bed in weeks. A nervous energy bubbles inside me, I don't know what to expect when I go through the Bureau. I know I will see the people who I had forgotten, but I'm ready for it. "How are you feeling?" He asks me.

"Fine," I mutter. He grabs my hand and squeezes it, giving me a reassuring smile. He walks round to the back of the wheelchair and starts to push me out the door.

"Where would you like to go first?"

"Can we go to the cafeteria? I'm dying to eat some normal food." He laughs and continues to push me down the corridor. I feel a heavy weight in my stomach as I look around at the Bureau. Even though I don't remember everything, this place is plagued with terrible memories and occurrences, and my heart knows it. We reach a set of metal double doors, Tobias holds one open with one hand while pulling my chair through with the other. When we enter the large hall filled with people, we're met with total silence. He takes me to one of the long tables filled with a small group of young people, he pushes me up to the end of the table and puts the break on the chair. I look at each of the warm, friendly faces staring back at me. Tobias crouches down next to me and places his hand on my arm. My gaze falls on a brown-eyed boy who I remember. Uriah. Tears start to form in my eyes when I take a closer look at him. I remember him with a bright smile and glistening eyes. He was innocent and carefree, with youthful skin and a healthy glow. Now, he looks beaten down by life.

"What happened to him?" I whisper to Tobias, trying to hold back the tears. I look at the patchy, burn scars that creep around the back of his neck and arms, barely touching his front, and thankfully missing his face.

"There was an explosion," he replies quietly. "We were both there but we got away in time."

"I-I don't…I don't remember," I start to viciously shake my head and a tear falls from my eye.

"I know, you will soon. It's okay. We can go back if you'd like?"

"No. I want to stay." Everyone who is sat at the table is politely ignoring our exchange, although I am positive that they can hear us. They're all staring down at their food except for Uriah.

"Tris," he lightly says, giving me a weighted smile. "It's really good to see you."

"Thanks for giving me the name Tris," I say, "I like it."

"You remember?"

"I didn't up until now." He looks down at his food, seemingly having an internal argument. Then, he carefully gets out of his seat and walks towards me. He leans down and attempts to hug me, the chair getting in the way. I wrap my arms around his neck and notice the little plastic device that's perched on his ear. He pulls away and pats my arm, walking back to his seat next to a pretty looking girl.

"I'm going to go get you some food," says Tobias. When he leaves I heave a sigh and finally look up at everyone again.

"Where's Christina?" I ask them all.

"It's me," the girl with short, dark hair who is sat on my left speaks up. I take a moment to look at her face, remembering her carefree grin and honest nature.

"Hi," my voice is timid.

"I've missed you," her voice cracks and her eyes glisten.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember everyone else," I admit shyly. "Could you please tell me your names?"

"I'm Will," the boy sitting next to Christina says, "Cara's brother."

"My name's Tori. I administered your aptitude test back in the city," a women with dark long hair says to me.

"I'm Marlene," the pretty girl next to Uriah says. I nod and smile at each of them, finding it difficult to say anything at all. Finally, Tobias arrives back and places a plate of food in front of me. Uriah shuffles down on the bench seat so that he can sit near me. He cuts up my food because my arms still aren't strong enough, but at least now I can clench my fingers enough to hold a fork. I like that I don't have to ask him to do these things, he just always looks out for me.

"So, Four," Christina says, "where are you guys going to live?"

"In an apartment," he mutters, eating his food. This is the first time that I've heard anything about where we're moving to.

"In Dauntless?"

"No, the ones that are being renovated."

"But where are you going to live until then? Apparently you're allowed to live in your old faction until the new apartments have been renovated. When the renovations are complete, the factions are going to be demolished."

"I'm going next week to renovate it myself," he stabs his meat with his fork, giving Christina the 'shut up' look.

"You're leaving," I ask, panicked.

"No, I'm just going to find us someplace to live," he's trying his hardest to finish the subject.

"We're going back to the city?"

"Yeah," Christina interrupts, "we all are. Me, Will, Caleb and Cara are going tomorrow. Hey, Four, you should come with us instead of waiting until next week." Her voice is muffled by her food, the rest of the table is glaring at her but she continues to talk, carefree. "There's a new government now. Johanna Reyes is the lead speaker, and we all get to vote on what we want to happen. Hey, you should start voting too, Tris!"

"Christina!" Uriah whisper-shouts harshly.

"What? Tris, I heard that they're keeping the Abnegation houses for families. Of course, they're re-painting them and changing them around a bit. Why don't you and Four go back to your old house in Abnegation?" Her voice comes out so fast, a sentence a second. A burning sensation grows in my chest when I think about Abengation and my hold home. I start to shake and feel upset. This is too much, thinking about moving back to the obviously different city and going to an apartment that I've never seen before. "The whole city knows about you Tris, they're anticipating your return. They can't wait to see you, they expect a lot of you 'cos, you know, you saved our entire city and all that."

"Enough!" Tobias shouts and slams his fist on the table. It makes me jump and more tears fall from my eyes. I feel like a scared child. This is too much, I feel suffocated, I want to get out.

"Please can we go outside?" I beg, almost a whisper. I've dropped my fork, and my barely eaten plate of food no longer interests me. Tobias gives Christina one last glare and gets up from the table, coming round to my wheelchair and pushing me out of the canteen. That was one hell of a reunion.

…

"I'm sorry, I did warn her before hand. Told her to not bombard you with her never-ending voice." We sit in the small gardens outside the Bureau, me in my chair and him on the bench. The fresh air is gratifying, and I can't get enough of the breeze against my skin.

"It's okay, I was jus a little….overwhelmed."

"I should have told you about the plans I had for leaving the city. But I didn't want to stress you at the time," he furrows his brow and I take his hand.

"I like how thoughtful you are. You don't need to apologise." I smile at him and he returns it, rubbing his thumb on my hand in small circles.

"Johanna, the leader of Amity, contacted me to say she found a perfect apartment for us. It's ground floor with no steps, and the rooms are spacious so you'll be able to get around. It's in the middle of the city, close to everything that we will need. The building structure is safe so all it needs is interior renovation, and I was going to adapt it for you, by doing things like making the doorways wider and automatic, so you can pass through them in your chair easily. It also needs some handle rails and ramps on the outside of the building."

"You don't have to do all that for me."

"I do. I'm not leaving you here in the Bureau with Matthew, you know," he playfully nudges my arm.

"What if I want to?" I raise an eyebrow and he gives a look of mock hurt. I laugh and bring his hand towards my lips, kissing it. "I'm excited to get out of here."

"Well, I'm glad because I have it all planned out. The only thing is I won't be here with you for a while…" he trails off and looks at the ground.

"When are you going?"

"Tomorrow. I was going to go back next week but decided it would be best to leave with Cara and the others. I'll be back in a few weeks."

"A few weeks?!" I shriek, starting to panic. What's going to happen to me without his help?

"Shh, it's okay we have it all planned out. Uriah and Marlene are going to stay here at the Bureau. Marlene will help look after you with Matthew, and then they'll leave with us when the apartment it ready.

"I don't really remember Marlene," I sigh.

"She's nice. You were friends with her. I'm sure you'll start to remember her when you see her more often."

"I'm going to miss you," he looks at me with sadness before leaning over and holding me.

"You feel cold," he says, "lets get you back inside."

…

I lie in my bed with Tobias, worried thoughts rushing through my mind. Come tomorrow, neither him or Cara won't be here to look after me. I know that he's doing what needs to be done, there's no way that I want to go back to live in one of the old factions. I just wish that I could help him.

"What time are you all leaving?" I whisper.

"Six in the morning," he sighs into my hair. I look him and match his lips to mine. We kiss passionately, in what feels like the first time in forever. He keeps his warm, strong hand planted firmly on my waist, and I pull my body flush against his.

"I love you," I say.

He rests his forehead on mine and smiles against my cheek. "I love you too Tris, always have, always will."

I lean further into his chest holding him so tightly because I don't want him to go. To me, he's like safety. As long as I'm with him, there's nothing to worry about, and I know everything will be okay. I don't think he realises that when he leaves tomorrow, he'll be taking a piece of me with him. I will be lost until he returns. I start to wonder if I've always depended on him this much, or if it's just since the incident. He became the only thing in my world, and I can't decide if that's good or bad.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_I hold her limp body in my arms. She seems even more still than she was before. I look at Caleb and see his face contorted with panic and sadness. I lean my head against her chest and my whole world crumbles beneath my feet._

_"Her heart's stopped beating."_

**Review if you want me to continue :) **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Thanks for the reviews/favs/follows :) I appreciate your support. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6<span>

Tobias

_"__Come on Tris," I whisper. I prise her lips and mouth open, pouring in the contents of the vial. I rub her throat, praying that she swallows it. If she doesn't, then her memory will be lost forever. _

_"__What's that?" Caleb asks me. _

_"__The inoculation serum, so she doesn't lose her memory. I don't have another one so you're going to have to run to the safe room as fast as you can."_

_"__No."_

_"__What?"_

_"__Im not going. You need my help with her, is she still breathing?"_

_At first, I'm almost too shocked to respond. Caleb is giving his memory up to help save Tris. I hold her limp body in my arms. She seems even more still than she was before. I look at Caleb and see his face contorted with panic and sadness. I lean my head against her chest and my whole world crumbles beneath my feet. _

_"__Her heart's stopped beating."_

_"__Crap." He bends down and takes her from my arms, laying her flat on the floor. "Watch what I do, you're going to have to do it in a minute when I forget," he's sweating bullets and I can't help but whimper like a child at the sight of Tris laying on the floor, lifeless. He leans down and presses his mouth to hers, breathing into it. Then he breaks away and clamps one hand over the top of the other, pressing them down on her chest firmly. I remember learning this a while ago one day in school, although I'm glad Caleb is showing me again because I would have probably forgotten. After a few times, he starts to stop what he's doing. He looks up at me, his eyebrows knitted together. He takes his hands away and sits back on his heels. "What am I doing?" He asks. Caleb is gone. Immediatley, I push him away and hover over Tris, repeating his actions. I desperately pump my hands down onto her small chest, trying to get her heart to beat again. But there's still no sign of life. _

_"__Come one!" I plead. My tears drip onto her face when I try to breath air into her lungs. I keep pressing my hands down on her chest over and over again, increasing the pressure. After what feels like a decade, she emits a choking noise. Her eyes remain closed but she's breathing again. I try to shake her awake with no luck. She needs urgent medical attention. I scoop her up, holding her tiny figure in my arms. _

_"__Follow me," I tell Caleb. He cluelessly complies, thankfully staying quiet. I need to get her to Cara and Matthew, is all I can think. I look down at her body, sweat drips from every inch of her, and her face has turned a transparent colour. I rush around panicked, I need to save my Tris. I need to save her or she'll-_

I wake with a gasp, springing into the upright position. I'm covered in a cold sweat and panting heavily. My back hurts from sleeping on the dusty floor, but I don't have a bed yet. I rub my face with my hands, trying to rid myself of the same nightmare that I have almost every single night. The nightmare of losing Tris, the day that she set off the memory serum. I don't tell her that she plagues my dreams whenever she's absent from my arms. She'd only feel guilty for something that she doesn't remember doing. I get up off the floor, and toss my measly blanket to the side. I walk into the unfinished bathroom, and splash cold water onto my bearded face. I haven't shaved for a few days and my hair is longer, it makes me look older. I always have looked older than my age of 18, but since the war I look like I've aged even more. I could probably pass for 25. I look at my watch and see that although it's still the early hours of the morning and the sun hasn't yet risen, I better get started on today's work. I especially need an early start today because Johanna wants to meet me later, what for I do not know. I've been in the city working on the new apartment for two weeks now, and thankfully most of the hard work has been done. Zeke has been round every day to help me, with a few others who are specialised in fitting bathrooms and kitchens. We had to have a special bathroom fitted for Tris so that she can use it sat down. We've also finished the doorways, now we're just working on flooring and painting, and then I'll furnish it. Zeke and Shauna are living in one of the old Abnegation houses, which he adapted for her. I shove some food down my throat and gulp some coffee, then I begin sanding down the floorboards.

"Four? You awake?" Zeke shouts through the door.

"Yeah, doors unlocked," I shout back.

He walks through the door holding a couple of brown paper bags and coffees. "Shauna packed us some food."

"Nice of her," I don't break away from my task.

"Four, you look like hell. Don't overdo it," he sits down on the floor next to me.

"I'm fine. I just need to get this place perfect in two weeks so that I can bring her back."

"Well in that case, lets get to it!" He places the food and drinks on the counter and starts to help me with the flooring, we work on all the floors for the rest of the morning. This place is staring to look like a home, and I get a strange feeling in my stomach when I think about my new life here with Tris.

…

I stand outside the gates of Amity. A while ago, I was in the same position; except that time I was fleeing a war zone, and the gates were locked. This time, the gates are wide open, and people walk freely in and out of them. Soon, these gates will not exist. Neither will Amity, it will instead be turned into a large farm and produce warehouse. I walk up to the headquarters, trying to find Johanna. When I do, she's sat at a desk, surrounded by mounds of paperwork. She's most likely sorting out the public polls, placing the new laws in action, the ones that have been chosen by the people. I clear my throat to get her attention, and she darts her tired eyes up to look at me, smiling. She scrambles up from her desk and leans her hand out for me to shake. Johanna has a firm grip, which gives me confidence in her.

"Four, thank you for coming. Please, take a seat," she says.

"No problem."

"How is Tris?"

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, "she's doing as good as can be expected. Her condition is improving slightly."

"That's great to hear. Are you moving her back to the city soon?"

"Yes, in two weeks. I just need to finish the apartment."

"And I take it you'll be living with her and assuming the roll of her main carer?"

"I'll be her only carer."

"Wow," she pauses, 'that's very admirable position, Four, but also a difficult one. I wanted to let you know that we'll be offering her a couple of carers, funded by the government of course."

"That's very generous, but she only likes people who she knows looking after her."

"Yes, well, just let me know if you change your mind," she says, continuing to flick through the stack of papers on her desk.

"What did you want to see me for?" I question.

"My, you don't beat around the bush do you!" A laugh erupts from her throat. "Well, if we're getting straight to the point, I would like to offer you a position."

"A position?"

"Yes, working for the government alongside myself." A government job. Just like my father.

"I'm sorry. But looking after Tris will take up all of my time."

"I had a feeling that would be your answer," she sighs.

"Is that why you offered me carers for her?" I try not to snap.

"No, after all she has done for us, I would have offered you them anyway. But regardless, this government job would be unlike any other. You would just be the key speaker, the voice of the people, eventually. Until then, you would be my partner, helping to suggest new ways of improving the city. You are a trustworthy person, who still has a selfless quality. Obviously I am not as young as I used to be, and I'll need somebody trustworthy to take over the role when I can no longer do it."

"I understand, but right now, my heart is with Tris. I couldn't leave her with strangers all day."

"I suppose you're right. But I just want you to know that if you change your mind, or if your situation with Tris gets any better, the role will always be open to you."

"Thank you, I appreciate your offer," I begin to stand, desperate to get back to the hard work of fixing the apartment.

"You're welcome," she shakes my hand again, "just to let you know I'm looking at filling your apartment block first, to avoid any troublesome squatters. We're having trouble relocating the remaining factionless, but the apartments in your building are going to be filled with families because they're larger. We should be fixing up the lobby next week, and assigning security."

"Is there any trouble to worry about?" I ask, now concerned.

"Oh, heavens no! Of course, no place in this world is entirely safe. There will be security and cameras for every single new apartment block. It's mainly the factionless that were causing trouble but they have been sorted out now. We have had to instil a few firmer laws. Those who cause trouble for our city will be exiled. Chicago is now a gated community, free from rebellion groups and crime. Which reminds me about your mother…"

"What about her?"

"Well, she was forcibly taken down from government and given a warning. She is not allowed to take part in any leadership or government schemes or she'll be exiled from the city. She currently lives in an Erudite apartment until her new one is renovated. I could give you the number if you like-"

"I do not wish to see her," Johanna gives me a sad look and nods her head, "is that everything?"

"Yes, I'll see you soon."

"Goodbye."

I stomp out of her office, now in a foul mood because of the thoughts about my mother. I suppose one day I may try to mend our relationship, but right now I have no interest in doing so. I have enough going on with Tris, and I can only imagine that she'd make it more difficult. I know that she's never liked Tris, and she'd look down at the fact that I'm turning down prestigious job offers in order to look after her. But I know what I want, and no one is going to get in the way of that.

* * *

><p><em><strong>coming up…<strong>_

_"How bad is she?" He whispers._

_"She'll be fine once we get settled in the city, it's just been worse because you've not been here for her," Marlene replies._

_"I wish I didn't have to leave her."_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7<span>

**2**_** weeks later ...**_

Tris

I lie in my hospital bed, drawing squiggles on a peace of paper. I'm actually quite enjoying myself, I was never allowed to draw when I was younger. I haven't been out of my bed since Tobias took me to the cafeteria to see the others, which was now a month ago. I suppose I've been hiding from the world, waiting for him to get back. It's been difficult without him and Cara, but it's been four weeks, so he should be back today.

"Tris, you need to eat something," Marlene pleads.

"I'm not that hungry. Can't you just stick one of those tube things in me?" I haven't had much of an appetite lately.

"No, you need to try and eat solid foods. Let me get you ready? You want to look nice for Four, don't you?"

"He's seen me looking worse," I say, indifferently.

"Well what about some exercise? Why don't you let Matthew do some physical therapy work on your legs so that you're not stiff in your wheelchair?"

"No thanks."

Marlene sighs and continues to look at me, but this whole time I've been concentrating on the doodles I'm drawing. "Here, you need to take two of these," she hands me two small little white tablets the size of peas.

"What's this?"

"It will make you feel better," she sighs.

"I feel fine!"

"You can either take them at your own will, or Matthew will inject it."

I stare at her in shock, now they're forcing me medication. I'm not in too much pain so I don't want anything, and the last time that Matthew injected me with something, I felt terrible. My vision was foggy and I felt numbed from my own feelings. I shove Marlene's hand away from my face and pick up my pen again, drawing useless lines and shapes. I feel sorry for Marlene, I know she's only trying to help me, but I don't want it. I honestly can't really remember her either, so I still feel uncomfortable around her. I won't let her or Matthew feed me, so I haven't eaten much solid food in a while. I feel restless and aching, because I haven't had any physical therapy work, I don't want anyone to touch me. Eventually, Marlene gives up and exits the room, leaving me in my solitude.

…

A while passes before I hear anyone come near my room again, and my heart leaps when I hear the familiar, husky voice. I soon realise that it's Tobias and Marlene, talking about me. I don't think they know that I can hear them.

"How bad is she?" He whispers.

"She'll be fine once we get settled in the city, it's just been worse because you've not been here for her," Marlene replies.

"What's been worse?"

"She won't let anyone go near her, I tried washing her hair but she freaked out because she doesn't remember me. She won't let Matthew touch her either, so she hasn't had any physical therapy work since you last came. Her muscles have gone stiff again, and she's lost more weight. She won't eat, but Matthew says that that's because she's depressed. We've had to force her medication a couple of times. She's in bad shape, in desperate need of a change of scenery."

"I wish I didn't have to leave her," he sighs.

"Well, you're here now, and you don't have to leave her again. You did what you had to do."

"The apartment's great, she'll love it."

"I'm glad. But right now, you better get in there and try to fix her up a bit. There's a change of clothes on the side, she's just got a hospital gown on again."

"Alright, tell Uriah to get ready, we're leaving tonight."

"Will do, see you soon."

I snap out of eavesdropping and turn my attention back to my pad of paper, so it doesn't look like I heard everything they said. The door opens slowly, and I sense Tobias looking at me. I can't hide the smile that starts to grow on my face. I look up to see him approaching me with a furrowed brow and sad expression, I forgot I look like death, maybe I should have listened to Marlene after all. I carry on with my drawings, hoping he isn't too mad at me.

"Hey," he murmurs, sitting down in the chair next to me.

"Hi," I reply. He tucks a piece of my dirty hair behind my ear, exposing my face. He's watching me scribble on the paper.

"What are you drawing?"

"I'm doodling."

"Ah," he takes the pen out of my hand and takes the pad from me, placing it on the table. He holds my hands in both of his.

"I wasn't finished with that."

"Really? You've nearly gone through a whole pad of paper," he smiles. He sounds like he's treading on eggshells when speaking to me, I can't blame him though, I must look like a crazy person. "Why won't you let Marlene look after you?"

"Because I don't remember her. I don't want her to touch me. And Matthew's a boy so I don't want him to touch me either." I know I sound like a stubborn child, but I suppose my modest Abnegation blood continues to run through my veins.

"Will you let me?"

I look at him skeptically, I suppose he's seen me before, how mortifying could it be? "Yes," I eventually reply.

"Would you like a bath? I'm sure you could sit up in it now."

"I don't know, I haven't gotten out of bed since you were last here."

"You're sat up now though, that's an improvement, right?" This is why I trust him, he looks at things logically and always sees the positive side.

"I guess I could try…"

"Good, I'll go and turn the water on."

He leaves the room and goes into the small en suite bathroom, running the water to fill the bath up. I need to get this over with quickly, before I change my mind. Eventually, he comes back in and pulls the sheet off me. He starts to take the wires off my arms, carefully removing my IV, until I am fully unhooked.

"I'm going to carry you in, okay?"

"Alright," he lifts me off the bed carefully, and I wrap my arms around his neck, the pain isn't too bad. He carries me into the bathroom and takes the gown off me, carefully placing me in the warm water. He helps me wash off all the grime that I've accumulated, embarrassed is an understatement.

…

"No you don't do it like that!" I laugh at the top of my voice.

"I'm doing exactly what you told me to do!" I can sense he's smiling also.

"You have to take this side over there, and take that piece under it."

"Like that?"

"Yeah, but not as tight, you're going to rip my head off!" I continue to laugh at Tobias' pitiful attempt at braiding my hair, it's not going very well.

"Okay, sorry, is that better?" He loosens up his grip on my hair.

"Yeah, much. Now just carry on doing the same thing until you've done it all." In the end, it takes him about fifteen minutes to french braid my short hair.

"I'd say it looks pretty good," he says, while inspecting his handiwork.

"Well, lets just say that I'm glad I don't have to see it!"

"I've got a hat for you to wear anyway," he pulls out a black woollen hat that was in the bag of clothes.

"I'm not wearing that!"

"Tris, it's freezing outside, you need to wear as many layers as possible."

I huff, "fine."

"I hope you like the apartment," he mutters.

"I'm sure I will. It seems like you worked really hard on it."

"I did, I tried to make it the best place for us to live. But, promise me you will tell me if you don't like it?"

"I can almost promise you that I _will_ like it. But sure," I smile at him, leaning into his chest. He takes another sweater out of the bag and helps me to put it on, then he gets a warm winter coat out and does the same. "I think I'm going to get lost beneath all this."

"I don't want you getting ill, there's snow outside," he zips up my coat and then pauses to look me in the eye, "you sure you're ready to leave?"

"Yes! I can't wait. I don't want to be stuck here for another second."

"Good. It's just going to be us for a while, Marlene and Uriah are going back to Dauntless temporarily, until their apartment is ready. Caleb, Cara, Will and Christina are on the other side of the city, and the others are staying here at the Bureau. Zeke and Shauna don't live too far away, so I'm sure we'll see them."

I smile weekly and take his hand, "are you going to be alright?"

"Me? Why me?"

"Well, we can't just worry about me all the time. I don't want you to be stuck in the apartment all day looking after me."

"I want to look after you. And we won't be stuck in the apartment all day, we need to try and get you out as much as we can."

"If you say so." He leans in and gently pressed his lips to mine, before fastening me into my chair and heading out the door. We say our goodbyes to those who are staying at the Bureau, I thank Matthew for all he has done, and apologise for being the worlds most difficult patient. My stomach is doing summersaults, I'm nervous to return to the place that I once called home, the place that we tried so desperately to escape. Tobias drives the van, with me, Uriah and Marlene in the back. We sit in silence, I suppose we all feel the same. What happens now? What kind of life will we have? Will we even have a purpose? The journey seems to take forever, until we finally reach the heavily guarded gates of the city. Apparently, security has been stepped up, just incase word has got out that we're living in a safe secluded community, away from the influence of the government. Once we're let into the city, we drive through the fields of Amity, and this place seems all too familiar. I start to noticeably shake, recalling the time that I was stabbed in the shoulder. The scar is still there, but I couldn't remember how I had gotten it. Uriah must notice my discomfort, because he grabs my hand. I take deep breaths and decide to avoid looking out of the window, I may come back to this place when I'm ready, but right now I'm not. We start to reach the centre of the city, it's crowded with workmen and building equipment. All the old buildings are being renovated, and the roads are being repaired. The van starts to slow down when we reach a tall, large apartment block. It looks clean and new, with large windows covering the front. There's a man in uniform standing outside what looks to be the main entrance. Above the large, glass doorway, there's a number plaque saying '5546', I suppose this is the number of the apartment block. Tobias parks the van outside and jumps out, sliding the side door open.

"This is us," he says, smiling at me. I turn to Uriah who is also smiling at me, he doesnt hesitate to pull me into a hug.

"I'll see you soon Tris, we're not that far away. Take care of Four, okay?"

"I will, I promise," I reply. I then turn to Marlene, giving her an apologetic smile and holding my arms out. She pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back slightly.

"Thank you for helping me, I'm sorry about the way I acted," I whisper.

"Tris, you don't need to apologise. I'll see you soon, okay? If there's anything you need, just let me know." I nod my head in reply, pulling away. Tobias climbs into the van and unhooks my chair from the side wall, carrying me out with Uriah's help. Once we're settled on the ground, Marlene and Uriah say their goodbyes to Tobias, and climb back in the van. We wave them off as they drive back to Dauntless.

"Are you ready?" He asks me.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I can't-"_

_"Hey, you don't need to apologise," he interrupts, "just lie back, do you trust me?"_

_"I trust you."_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8<span>

"Hello Four, I've got that spare key for you here," a pretty blond girl is sat behind a large counter desk in the lobby of the apartment block, which feels more like a hotel. The inside isn't completely finished, there's still a bit of dust around and I can see work men passing through.

"Oh, great, thanks," he wheels me over to the desk and takes the key off the girl, who smiles at me. She has perfect straight, white teeth with a tanned complexion. I can see that she's slender, but with plenty of curves. She's wearing a navy suit with a grey shirt, her hands look freshly manicured. I have no idea what faction she would have been from, she looks like a mixture between Erudite and Candor, but I suppose that doesn't matter anymore.

"The apartment's looking great, you've done a good job," she beams at him. "So," she turns her attention to me, leaning over the desk to look down at me in my chair, "you must be Tris?" Her voice is like an angels, and she holds an effortless charm about her.

"Yep," I reply awkwardly, "that's me."

Her smile grows wider, "well, let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks Alice, we will do," says Tobias. He wheels me around to what looks like an elevator. "We were originally going to have the ground floor apartment, but they installed an elevator, and we're the only ones on the first floor. It's a much larger apartment," the doors open and he pushes me inside, "and it will be a bit quieter and more private up here. I hope that's okay?"

"Honestly, that's great, it seems..nice. What's Alice's job?"

"She just mans the desk in the lobby. She's in charge of the security, takes phone calls, lets people in and out, assigns apartments and manages the staff."

"The staff?" I ask.

"Yeah, we have cleaners here."

"I thought this was an apartment block? Sounds more like a hotel to me."

"It is an apartment block," he laughs, "just one of the…better ones."

"How come we got assigned here?"

"What do you mean?" The elevator doors open, and he pushes me out into a large, square shaped hallway, filled with house plants and a small armchair.

"I mean, this place is really nice. What did we do to get it?"

"Johanna arranged it for us."

"Do all the apartment blocks have reception staff, room service and security?" I cock an eyebrow at him.

"No. I suppose the more, _important_ people live here," he rubs the back of his neck, something that he does when he's nervous.

"Who are they?"

"You know, government officials, doctors, the law officers, people who are taking charge of the city."

"Then I'll ask you again, how come _we_ got assigned here?"

He sighs and looks at me, "well, we did kind of save the city, Tris."

I'm not falling for that one. "So did all of the others, why didn't they get offered a big fancy apartment? Why are they stuck in the old factions right now?"

"Well, I guess it's because you risked your life to set the memory serum off." I still don't believe him, I can tell that he's hiding something. I decide not to press the issue, because I don't want to spoil the moment. He's worked so hard on this apartment, and I know he's desperate to show it to me.

"Am I going to get to see this apartment or what?" I smirk at him, he instantly snaps out of his daze, pushing me towards two large wooden doors.

"This is your key card, you scan it over here," he holds the plastic card over a black square on the wall, it beeps twice, "and then the doors will automatically slide open for you," as if on cue, the two doors separate, opening the entrance to the apartment. "It's the same for every door inside, so you won't need me to open the doors for you."

"Wow, impressive." He pushes me into the apartment, and what I see takes my breath away. It's one ridiculously large room, with beech floorboards and walls painted a light grey colour. There are two large, plush L shaped sofas that look big enough to be a bed, covered in a mountain of cushions. The side wall is completely glass window, giving a bright view of the city. The room is both light and comfortable, filled with different home comforts. He wheels me to the other side of the room, where there is just a large archway. He takes me through the archway into the kitchen. It's filled with expensive looking units, and a large dining table.

"This kitchen has been adapted so that you can use it easily," he moves over to the first counter, and points to a large red button, "if you press this button, the floor in front of the counter elevates, like a ramp, so that you'll be at the right height for using the kitchen in your chair." He pressed the button and I hear the sound of machinery, just like he said, the floor in front of the counters starts to lift up higher. It's grey and sloped at the ends, so that I can wheel up it. "The doors for all the cupboards are also sliding, so they won't get in the way of your chair. You can either press the small buttons on the handles and they'll open automatically, or you can open them manually." He looks excited, showing me all these amazing things that he's done for me, to give me more independence.

"This is amazing, I don't know what to say," I sounds breathless.

"You don't have to say anything," he smiles at me, leading me out of the kitchen into another large hallway. "Those two bedrooms are just spare, I haven't decorated them yet, and probably won't until we decide what to do with them." I suppose with just him and I living here they will stay undecorated for quite some time. "This door here leads to the bathroom," the doors open, revealing a large, white bathroom space. There are handle rails and various adaptations that will most likely make it possible for me to use it easily. When I've finished looking, he turns me around and leads me back out into the large hallway, which is also square shaped so I'll be able to turn around easily. "As you can see, it's all pretty much open and spacious to make it easier, this door here," he presses a button and the sliding doors open, "is the bedroom. It's, um, my favourite."

"And why might that be?" I smirk at him.

"Not for the reason you think," he pushes me through the doorway into another large, spacious room. There's a huge bed in the middle of the room, filled with pillows and blankets and a large duvet. "Look up," he whispers in my ear. I lift my head to look up at the ceiling, and what I see takes any breath I had left away. The ceiling is painted a deep dark blue, similar to the colour of Tobias' eyes. But on it, is the night sky, painted with such fine detail. The little stars and constellations that scatter the ceiling almost look real.

"Who painted this?" I ask.

"I did, I know we can't really lie down outside anymore, so I thought you might like to see the night sky before you go to sleep."

"It's amazing. I didn't know you could paint?"

"Neither did I until I tried," he laughs, looking up at his artwork.

"Can I lay down on the bed?"

"Sure," he wheels me over to the side of the bed, unbuckling me and helping me take off a few layers and my shoes. He pulls back all the comfy sheets and lifts me up out of my chair, placing me carefully on the bed. I instantly sink into the plump mattress, I've never felt something so comfortable. He sits down next to me.

"Lay with me?" I tug on his hand, wanting him to be next to me. He smiles and gets up, walking to the other side of the humungous bed. He takes off his coat and shoes, climbing in next to me. I feel like we could lose each other in this bed it's that large.

"I forgot to say, here's a remote, you can press different buttons to alter the bed, so if you want to sit up, you can press this," he presses a button on the remote and the mattress starts to move beneath me, lifting me up slightly, "and it will sit you up as much as you want. It's also heated, which should help with sore muscles." He presses another button and the mattress starts to warm up instantly.

"I think a thank you is in order. For making all of this possible for me."

He pulls me into the safety of his arms, "I'd do anything for you, you know that." I try to shift my body closer to his, and kiss him. He kisses back with more passion than I can remember, cradling my face in his hands. He pulls the covers over us and moves his hand down to my waist. I do the same to him, running my hands down his muscular back and tugging on the hem of his shirt. He pulls back, and takes his top off, revealing his bare chest. I run my hands along him, taking in every inch. I start to take my sweatshirt off but I can't do it myself, so he pulls it off for me. He begins to kiss me hungrily, and runs his large hand up my top, grazing my bare chest. I suddenly crave for a night like the one when we were even closer than this, but I am brought back to reality when I try to swing my leg over his and can't. I pull back and frown.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I can't-"

"Hey, you don't need to apologise," he interrupts, "just lie back, do you trust me?"

"I trust you," I say, almost inaudibly. He continues to kiss me, letting his hand travel downwards.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_"Hey, how were the results?" He asks me._

_"Fine," I try to smile._

_"What were they?"_

_"They were just confirming the improvement in my legs."_

_"That's great!" He kisses the top of my head, and guilt rattles my chest. I don't know what it is that keeps me from telling him the awful truth._

**Thanks for your support! I hope people are enjoying this story, leave a review to let me know :) **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Thanks for the reviews, they keep me motivated!**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9<span>

_**1 month later…**_

"How are we getting there?" I ask, pulling the covers over my face to try and stay warm. I like to think that it's a combination of the bitter winter air and the comfort of this bed that keeps me laying here for most of the day, but I know that it's because I'm still somewhat depressed.

"In the van, it only takes a few minutes to drive there," Tobias says, trying to pull the covers off me.

"Do we have to go?" Today we're going to the small city hospital, I have to go for monthly check-ups.

"Yes, every month, remember?"

"How could I forget, I whine." The condition of my legs is the same, although I have more control of my hips and the tops of my thighs. I've also regained strength in my arms, so I'm able to do most things myself, including sitting in my chair without being strapped in.

"Come on, eat this," he hands me a bowl of cereal, "we need to leave in fifteen."

He helps me get dressed and we go down into the lobby, where Alice sits at her desk sporting her usual sharp suit.

"Four!" she calls, smiling.

"One minute," he says to me, parking my chair by the seating area and walking over to Alice. The two talk back and forth for a couple of minutes, deep in conversation. Tobias frowns at first, but Alice manages to make him smile. I feel a pang in my chest, realising that I'm not the only person who can do that. Eventually, he walks back over, still with a smile plastered on his face. He pulls the breaks off my chair and begins to push me out of the apartment block.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"Oh, nothing," he brushes off my question, fixing me into the van. He doesn't meet my eye contact the whole time. The journey to the hospital is a quiet one, and so is the time in the waiting room. He lightly squeezes my hand now and then, and my mind begins to wander. Has Alice ever felt Tobias' touch? I'm caught out of my thoughts when I hear the nurse calling my name, "Prior?" Tobias is shaking my hand, I wonder how many times she called my name?

"Are you okay?" He asks me, concerned.

"Yeah, sorry. I just don't like hospital appointments, you know that."

"Well I'm here with you, lets go in." He pushes my chair to follow the nurse into the large check-up room. Inside is a middle-aged woman with short, straight red hair, typing furiously at a computer.

"Beatrice is here to see you now," the nurse says, ushering us further into the room. The Doctor with the red hair swivels around in her chair, smiling professionally.

"Nice to finally see you Beatrice, I'm Dr. James. That will be all thank you Trudy," she nods to the nurse, who leaves the room quietly, shutting the door behind her. I politely nod to Dr. James and look back down at my knotted fingers, I suppose I'm more shy of new people than I used to be. Dr. James leans one elbow on her desk with her legs crossed, seemingly examining me. She taps her pen on her desk repeatedly, while chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Can you tell me a little about how your condition has changed since you came back to the city? It's been a whole month now if I'm correct," she continues to look at me for an answer, but my eyes stay trained on the floor. After coming to terms with what happened to me, I find it very difficult to trust people. Especially since I don't completely remember the faces of those who betrayed me and those who helped me, sometimes they all blend into one and I can't differentiate between the two.

"She can use her arms a little better, and can sit up on her own," Tobias answers for me, and Dr. James looks up at him questioningly.

"On my file," she turns around to look back at her computer screen, "I have a 'Tobias Eaton' down as Beatrice's carer. Is that you?"

"It is."

"Very good. Well, I was hoping you would give us some privacy? I'd like some time to talk with Beatrice on her own." I finally shift my gaze from the floor and look at Tobias, who frowns.

"Is that necessary?" He asks.

"I'm afraid so. I'd like to have a conversation with just Beatrice, and I'll be performing a physical. You can wait on one of the benches outside, I'll call you back in when we're done." Tobias nods and looks at me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll be right outside," he strokes the top of my head and leaves the room, before I even get a chance to agree or disagree. When he's left, Dr. James heaves a sigh and looks at me, pulling out a paper folder and writing down some notes.

"How is your mood, Beatrice?"

"I prefer Tris."

"That's a lovely name, Tris. So, how is your mood?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you happy? Sad? Angry? Confused?"

"I don't know."

"Do you enjoy the city?"

"I suppose."

"How about your apartment? I see you live in one of the fancy ones. I bet that's nice for you, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Who do you spend your time with?"

"Tobias."

"Just Tobias?"

"Yes."

"Do you like spending your time with Tobias?"

"Yes," I snap. What's with all the questions? "But he's Four to you. Only I get to call him Tobias."

"Tris, you need to understand that I am here to help you, that is all. I'm a doctor, and my priority is your health. Mental and Physical. I'm asking you these questions to get an idea of how you're coping mentally. I'm not going to use this information against you in any way, are we clear?"

"Yes. But I'm fine."

"You may say that now, but you have a lot of feelings inside, which is normal after what you have been through. Can you see yourself having a future?"

"A future?"

"Do you have any hope that your condition will improve? Do you have any goals? Would you perhaps like a family with Four?"

"I can't have a family."

"Why not?" She looks at me in a confused manner and it's almost insulting.

"Look at me." I gesture to my limp body, sat in the wheel chair.

"Just because you're in a wheelchair doesn't mean that you can't have a family. I will be doing an examination on you today to see if that is possible, however." She turns back to her desk, pulling out a few more files. She pulls on some rubber gloves and a few apparatus. "Now, lets begin your general check-up, then we'll have all of your results at the end."

…

It took an hour to do the full check-up, after it I really want a bath. I currently sit in a different waiting room with Tobias, anticipating the results. He keeps asking me if I'm okay, but all I do is nod in reply. I don't know why I'm being quite hostile towards him, lately I feel it's the only way. Some time later, the same nurse, Trudy, calls my name. She comes over to my chair and starts to push me, insisting that Tobias stays in the waiting room while I get my results. She wheels me into a small room with a desk and computer. I'm sat in there alone for a few minutes until a woman in a nurses uniform comes in, holding a couple of files. She has dark brown curly hair with tanned skin.

"Hello, Beatrice," she shakes my hand, moving her frail looking arm and sits down on the opposite side of the desk. "I apologise for the wait, I was just sorting through your results. I'm Nurse Johnson." She smiles at me, the skin crinkling around her blue eyes. I look at the file expectantly, and she continues to stare at me. I shift uncomfortably and look back at her, her eyes boring into mine.

"Are those my…results?" I clear my throat. She clenches her jaw and heaves a sigh, opening the file slightly and looking at the papers for quite some time. She looks somewhat frustrated, and keeps tapping her fingers on the desk, deciding something.

"You can't have children," she states, harshly. "I'm sorry, but your reproductive organs are damaged."

"W-what?" My voice sounds small, I don't know what I was expecting. I had set my mind on having only Tobias in my future, but to hear that it wouldn't even be a choice breaks my heart a little bit.

"They have failed, and there's nothing that we can do about it," she flicks through the other papers. "Your legs, however, are improving slightly, and everything else is looking good. Dr. James has referred you to a therapist once a week. They will visit your house for convenience purposes."

"Is that all?" I croak.

"Yes, those are all of the results for today."

"Can I see it?"

"See what?"

"The results of my internal exam. The one that says what's wrong with me and why I can't have children," I stretch my hand across the desk, pointing to the piece of paper sticking out of the folder. Nurse Johnson immediately slams the folder shut and I quickly retrieve my hand.

"I'm sorry," she sounds on edge. "These forms are for our system purposes only. They must remain confidential in a secure folder." I nod my head, feeling uncomfortable and confused. "Trudy!" She shouts, making me jump. Trudy trots into the room, looking scared of this senior nurse. "Take Ms. Prior back, would you?"

"Of course," she takes the breaks off my chair and wheels me out of the door, while Nurse Johnson holds it open. She smiles at me as I leave, if I knew any better I'd say that she was sneering at me.

When I'm greeted with Tobias, my heart drops into my stomach. What will he think of me? Knowing that he can't have a normal future with me.

"Hey, how were the results?" He asks me.

"Fine," I try to smile.

"What were they?"

"They were just confirming the improvement in my legs."

"That's great!" He kisses the top of my head, and guilt pangs in my chest. I don't know what it is that keeps me from telling him the awful truth. I suppose it has something to do with the sharp suit and blond hair that greets him with a smile every morning. Unbeknown to him, greets him with the prospect of a different future.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_"Please! Go! Leave"_

_"Tris-"_

_"NO! I don't want you here. Just go!"_

_The hurt look in his eyes devastates me. I wish he never met me. I wish I died instead of my mother. I want him to be free from all of this. He continues to stare at me in disbelief, and then turns around, slowly walking towards the door._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**This is the second chapter I have uploaded today, so make sure you have read chapter 9 before this one :) I'm uploading twice today because I won't be able to update for a couple of days (I normally update once per day). There is some Fourtris drama, but they need to clear up some issues that have been brewing for a while. Don't worry, things will start to get less depressing and become resolved after this chapter. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 10<span>

**2 weeks later…**

Tobias and I haven't been on the best of terms these past couple of weeks. I don't really say much to him, and he's given up asking. Like usual, he keeps talking to me about different memories, ones that I had forgotten. I know he's only trying to help me, but I've become past the point of help. I refuse to speak to my therapist, who in turn is becoming even more frustrated with me.

"Beatrice? Listen to me!" I'm startled out of my daydream by Tobias' fist hitting the table, causing the knives and forks to clatter.

"Beatrice? Really?" I cock an eyebrow at him, causing his frown to deepen.

"It worked didn't it? I finally got your attention for the first time today."

"Actually, I think it was your fist colliding with the table that caught my attention."

He sighs and scrubs his face with his hands. His messy hair and unkempt appearance proves how much I've been wearing him out. He has aged somewhat over the past couple of months, and I blame myself. "I was asking you if you wanted to see Zeke and Shauna today."

"No," I reply, messing with the food on my plate.

"Why not?"

"What's the point? We both know that they're not going to come! And Shauna hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. She just, doesnt understand you."

"_Four_, when will you get the hint that Zeke doesn't want to see you?" I know this was harsh, but it's true. After everything that we had all been through together, I thought that we would have friends for life. It's funny how they all deserted Tobias and I, we haven't seen them since. I feel bad that he has to do this all on his own, his Dauntless pals forgetting about him.

"You never call me Four," he stares at me with incredulity.

"Well, you never call me Beatrice!"

"Stop being a child!" He puts his head in his hands for a moment, and then picks up his knife and fork, angrily stabbing his food. I know that the real reason people don't come here is because of me, even Uriah finds it difficult to speak to me lately. I've decided that the best way to not hurt anyone is to shut them out. I'm pretty much useless and I don't want to hold them all back anymore, they shouldn't have to worry about me. Uriah and Marlene have moved into a modest apartment near the police department, they're both joining the police force, and have already started their new and promising life. I wish Tobias would join it, but he said he's done with guns and knives. I don't blame him. He spends most of his time with me, stuck in the apartment. I don't wake up until noon, and he's gone all morning. Where he goes, I do not know, but I have my suspicions. "I'm going to change the bedding," he gets up, clearing the plates off the table. He puts them in the sink and walks out towards the bedroom. I sit in my chair for a minute before wheeling myself into the living room. As I pass the phone table, I see a pile of mail. I flick through the letters, surprisingly we sometimes get fan mail, general thanks for saving the city, we get invited to small parties and ceremonies, but of course we never attend. I come across a small white envelope with 'Four' handwritten on the back, it's already been opened. I look to see if the coast is clear, and reach into the envelope, pulling out a small piece of folded paper.

_Four,_

_I hope you have had some more time to think about my offer. As I told you, it's a prestigious position, and you and Tris would be well looked after. I understand that you do not wish to work full time at the moment, however I have a small opportunity for you, from which you can work at home. It's mainly paperwork, but I thought it would do for now. Please stop by again whenever you can, and we can discuss this matter further._

_Johanna Reyes._

I stare at the paper in shock. It's an informal, hand written letter which makes it quite obvious that the two have exchanged words before, perhaps on numerous occasions. I have so many questions, what offer did she give him? She said it was a prestigious position, does that mean that she wanted him to work alongside her in government? No, surely he wouldn't turn that offer down. But, of course he would. That is exactly something that he would do, and for one reason only. Me. I hear someone clear their throat, and look up to see Tobias standing at the other end of the hall, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.

"What the hell is this?" I wave the piece of paper in the air, my voice shaking.

"Yeah, about that," he strides up to me, about to take the piece of paper away from me. I clutch it to my chest and wheel over towards the sitting area. "Tris, let me explain."

"No! You let me explain! I don't like the fact that you've been keeping things from me. I don't like it one bit."

"I haven't been keeping things from you-"

"Oh really? Then explain this? What was the position?"

"She wanted me to help lead the city, alongside her," he pauses, "eventually, I would take over."

"Oh my God," I whisper. "That's why we got this apartment, isn't it? Because she wants you to work in government?"

"I rejected the offer. I didnt want it."

"Because of me?"

"Not just that. I don't want to work in government. I don't want anything to do with this stupid city."

"So you'd rather stay at home with a decrepit girl?" He sighs, exasperated. He sits down on the sofa, with his head in his hands.

"You do this to yourself. You're the one that makes it hard."

"Do what? Come to terms with the fact that I'm worn out? That I'm useless? That you're wasting your time with me?"

"I'm not wasting my time with you Tris. I love you-"

"Bull! If you loved me then you wouldn't keep things from me! If you loved me then you would live your life, so that I wouldnt have to feel guilty all the time about holding you back!" My voice aches from all the shouting, and tears streak my pale face.

"I don't keep things from you! It was one thing that didn't matter."

"Oh, you don't keep things from me?"

"No," he laughs humourlessly.

"What is it you spend your mornings doing then?" I point at the door.

"What?"

"What are you doing every morning when I'm asleep?"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Oh _really_? I wonder if tomorrow morning when you're gone, Alice will be absent to?" His frown instantly disappears, and he looks like he just got hit across the face with frying pan. His shoulders sag and his eyes glisten, I've hit him where it hurts.

"You think I'm with Alice?" His voice is quieter, more vulnerable.

"Yes." But the thing is, deep down, I know he's not with Alice. I know that he hasn't so much as smiled at her. Tobias wouldn't look at another girl like that, but sometimes, I wish that he would.

"Tris, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours," his signature frown returns, "but you've got it all completey wrong. I spend my mornings running, trying to get rid of the frustration and anger that you cause me from not opening up to me! From seeing you in pain everyday. Do you know how much it hurts? To see you drowning, and knowing that there's nothing that I can do to pull you back up again?"

"Then why do you bother? Why do you stick around? You could have anyone and anything that you want. But what do you have with me? Nothing." Frantic sobs spill through my body, my teeth gritted in frustration.

"I have everything with you."

"You could have more with someone like her! You could have a job, you could have a family!" The words slip out from my lips before I remember, I've been keeping things from him too. He doesn't know that I can't give him a family.

"I could have a family with you too, I-"

"No," my voice goes solemn, "you can't. Tobias, I can't have children. They told me at the hospital." He stares at me in disbelief, and starts pacing the room, dragging his hands through his hair. I have no idea how much this is hurting him, does he want those things? I can't put him through this anymore. "I want you to leave," I whisper.

"Tris, I don't care about all that, I just-"

"Tobias, I want you to leave. I don't want you here. I don't want you to come back." His life would be better off without me, and maybe one day he'll see that.

"I can't leave you, I won't leave you."

"Go!" I shout, "Leave! Can't you see I'm holding you back? Can't you see that I don't _want_ to hold you back?"

"Please! Go! Leave"

"Tris-"

"NO! I don't want you here. Just go!"

The hurt look in his eyes devastates me. I wish he never met me. I wish I died instead of my mother. I want him to be free from all of this. He continues to stare at me in disbelief, and then turns around, slowly walking towards the door. I try to turn my chair around to wheel towards the sofa so that I can sit down there. I turn it too forcefully and when I move my body, I fall onto the floor. I'm on my stomach, weighted down by my heavy, useless limbs. I silently sob, my shoulders evidently shaking. I have to just lie here on the floor, a helpless heap of skin and bones. I can't lift myself off the ground on my own, and my back hurts from the fall so I can't lift my neck. Silence fills the room, until I hear light, timid footsteps approach me. I know what he's doing, he's going to help me. It pains me that after everything that I have just said to him, he's still going to help me. Because he has to. He crouches down on the floor and starts to lift me gently. This brave, strong, respectable man helps me, no matter how harsh the words were that I just threw at him. Because I can't help myself. I need him, and he knows it. I've always needed him, and somehow, he's always needed me too. He doesn't say anything as he lifts me up, about to place me in my chair. But before he does, I wrap my arms around his neck and lean my head against his solid, warm chest. His heart is racing, and he pauses for a moment before collapsing back down onto the floor and cradling me in his arms like a child. He buries his face in my neck and holds me so tight, because I know that he never wants to let go. We've only ever argued once before, back at the Bureau. I don't like it, I don't want to fight with him. I don't want to lie to him, and I don't want him to lie to me.

"It kills me," I cry.

"I know," he whispers, his voice cracking. He holds me until we both run out of tears.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_"Get up!" Shauna's voice is harsh and clear, she pulls my sheets away and tries to tug on my arm._

_"I'm awake!"_

_"No, I said get up."_

_"Why?"_

_She looks at me and heaves a deep sigh, frowning a little. "Tris, look at me. From the outside, anyone would say that we were the same. We're both stuck in a wheelchair."_

_"So…"_

_"But you and I, we're nothing alike. I would rather be dead than be like you."_

_"What do you mean?" My voice is barely a squeak._

_"Because you're in bed and I'm not."_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Sorry I haven't updated for a week, I normally update every day but I was in hospital at the weekend and I've felt ****terrible! There isn't much left of this story now, I'm really just trying to wrap it up and get it finished. Thanks for the reviews/favs/follows :)**

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><p><span>Chapter 11<span>

Things between Tobias and I have been better since the day we argued, he understood why I was upset and I understand why he kept the government job from me. We haven't really spoken much about my test results because what is there to say? I'm learning to accept that he loves me for who I am, with the help of the therapist. It's currently early morning and we're lying in bed holding hands, both looking up at the ceiling. He hasn't said anything for a while, and I turn around to look at his face, deep in thought.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, while tracing his facial features with my thumb and index finger.

"My age, I think I'm 19 now," he says in his husky voice, still thick with sleep.

"You think?"

"Well, it would seem about right," he pauses to shift on the bed and faces me, "you know how Abnegation never celebrated birthdays?" I nod my head in reply. "Well, Marcus never even told me when mine was or what month I was born in."

"You probably are one of the older ones for your age year. My birthday is sometime in the summer."

"I just wish I knew, its crazy, not knowing your own birth date."

"Well, why don't we make today your birthday?"

He smiles at me, "I'm not really that bothered, we don't have to celebrate it."

"We should! From now on, on this date we will celebrate your birthday. It will be fun."

"What should we do?"

"I don't know, what do people normally do on their birthdays?"

"I suppose they have cake and a party. Shall I just call Zeke and Shauna? Maybe they would come round, with Uriah and Marlene."

"That would be great," I lean in and kiss him lightly on his lips, then rest in my head on his chest.

"I don't have to invite them round if you don't want me to," I can hear the vibrations of his voice when he speaks, it soothes me, and my eyelids start to feel heavy again.

"I want them to come," I murmur sleepily. He laughs and rubs my back, until I fall asleep yet again.

…

I wake with a start when I feel Tobias' pillow slam against my face. I open my eyes, blinking rapidly at the bright light, and see Shauna next to my bed holding the pillow.

"What was that for?" I shriek angrily, holding my arms up in defence against any further attack.

"Get up!" Shauna's voice is harsh and clear, she pulls my sheets away and tries to tug on my arm. The cold air is unsettling and I crave to be wrapped up in the blankets again.

"I'm awake!"

"No, I said get _up_." I don't know what's wrong with her, or why she's acting like this. But lately, I'm not one who likes to be disturbed from my sleep, as Tobias has found out.

"Why?"

She looks at me and heaves a deep sigh, frowning a little. She contemplates her thoughts for a while before eventually speaking up. "Tris, look at me. From the outside, anyone would say that we were the same. We're both stuck in a wheelchair."

"So…" Where is she going with this?

"But you and I, we're nothing alike. I would rather be dead than be like you." Ouch.

"What do you mean?" My voice is barely a squeak.

"Because you're in bed and I'm not."

"So, I like my lie ins and you're more of an early bird?" I shrug my shoulders and she continues to scowl at me.

"When were you planning on getting up? Do you stay in bed all day?"

"No. I usually get up to eat or to lay down on the couch," I'm interrupted by her hitting me with the pillow again, it's starting to rub me up the wrong way. "Stop hitting me! Or I swear-"

"Or you'll what? What can you do? Look at you," she gestures to all of me with her hand, "you're pathetic."

"I am not pathetic!" I growl.

"Yes you are. You just lay there all day like a vegetable. Look at how strong my arms and abs are, I bet I could take you."

I snigger, "you're in a wheelchair just like I am."

"But I'm still stronger than you are because I don't lie around all day!" She begins to tug on my legs, pulling me out of the bed, seemingly trying to get me into my chair.

"Hey!" I shout and thrash around hysterically, trying to slap her arms away, "leave me alone!" I scream. "Leave me alone!" I pull on her hair and she digs her nails into my arms, trying to force me into my chair, which is difficult because my legs are trailing on the floor. "I said stop! It hurts!" With that, Tobias comes charging into the room, and my body collapses to the floor in front of the chair.

"Shauna, what are you doing?" He bellows, and starts to charge over to me to help me up until she grabs his shirt and shoves him backwards.

"Leave her. She needs to do it on her own." She stares down at me and gives me a nod, "she was doing fine until you walked in." I scowl at her and scrunch up my face, after what feels like a lifetime, I start to push myself up with my shaking arms. My arms are incredibly weak because I haven't been exercising them, but I'm not fully lying down so it's not too bad. Sweat already starts to drip from my brow, and Tobias looks at me with his fist held against his mouth. He obviously hates seeing me vulnerable, and thinks it would just be easiter to help me instead of having to watch me. Maybe Shauna's right, maybe I can do this myself, and I should prove it. I lean my back up against my chair and take a deep breath, I move my hands backwards so that they rest on the seat of the chair, and begin to push myself up. I fail the first few times, but eventually I get half of my body on and manage to twist to get the rest of it pushed up into the seat. I pant, out of breath and sweating. Shauna looks at me with a large grin across her face, "see, there _is_ potential here," she says.

Tobias gives me a small smile, "well done Tris."

"The more you just lie there," Shauna continues, "the worse this whole thing will get. This is your life now, and you need to face it. You need to make the most of it." I continue to scowl at the floor, not wanting a life lecture from Shauna. She reaches over and lifts my chin up so that I have to look at her, "I don't hate you, Tris. I _envy_ you."

"Why?" I mutter.

"Because you have a chance," she looks down and shakes her head a little, swallowing thickly, "my spine is messed up. It's permanently damaged and my legs won't ever work on their own again. However, you have hope. If the death serum makes its way out of your body and your muscles heal, you'll be able to walk again. I know it's only a 40 percent chance, but I would give anything for that 40 percent. It's better than my 5 percent."

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"I don't want you to be sorry! I want you to get up and live your life! We all want you to, Tris."

Tobias agrees with her, and we decide to head out of the apartment today so that I can get some fresh air and see the city. Shauna leaves the room so that Tobias can help me get ready, he keeps asking me if I'm okay, but I reassure him that I feel fine. Sure, she kind of hurt my back a bit when she pulled me out of bed, but I feel somewhat…motivated. I can't remember the last time that I actually got dressed in something other than pyjamas, let alone put on a pair of shoes. Once I'm wrapped up in my coat, since it's still cold outside, we head out the door. We greet Marlene and Uriah, and I also manage to slip out a small apology to them. They shake it off and tell me that I have nothing to be sorry for, but they still smile and act a bit warmer towards me, so I can tell that it's much appreciated.

…

After travelling in the van for a while, we finally reach another construction site. "Do you remember this place, Tris?" Uriah asks me.

"No," I admit, "what is it?"

"She won't have come here before because she was in Abnegation, remember," Shauna tells uriah. "It's an old fair ground, Tris. In Dauntless, we used to come here and play Dauntless games. They're renewing it for the kids, the ferris wheel has just been finished." She points to a huge round structure, with little carts hanging off it. People are queuing up to go inside the little carts, and when they're all filled, the wheel starts to turn. It looks like a lot of fun. I can see that other rides are being renovated, but the wheel is the only one that has been completed. There's a building that looks like a row of houses or rooms or something, it's being painted in bright colours.

"What's that?" I ask Tobias, while pointing to the strange building.

"It's a row of shops, I think they'll sell food and other fun stuff for kids," he replies. I smile when I think about how fun this city will be, how much of a better place it will be to live.

"They're selling cake in that van over there!" Uriah runs over to a brightly coloured van, and we all laugh at his response. We get a slice of cake each, and I can't begin to describe how delicious it is. It's moist, sweet and chewy all at the same time, while still managing to have a spongy texture. I've never tasted anything like it, and it leaves a satisfied feeling in my taste buds. I look around at the fair ground while I eat my cake, and look at the contrast of our surroundings compared to who we are as people. Sure, the city looks a little run down, in fact, it looks like it's been through turmoil. But now, it's being mended. Piece by piece, it's starting to look like new again. Like this fair ground, parts of it are gaining more colour, more life, more vibrancy. Just like ourselves. I finish off my slice and hand the paper plate to Tobias, who discards it in the large waste bin.

"Come on!" says Zeke, "we gotta go try out this ferris wheel." We head over and wait in the large queue, ready for our turn on the wheel. Once it's made its way around, people pile out of the carriages, and the waiting people start to fill it back up again. Tobias lifts me out of my chair and places me next to him in the carriage, fastening me into the seat. We start to descend into the air, and a thrill of butterflies go through me. I notice the grip that Tobias has on my hand increases, and I look over to him and see a rigid expression on his face. Then I remember. He's scared of heights.

"I forgot you didn't like heights!" I say, startling him out of his nightmare, "we didn't have to do this, we could have just let the others go."

"Well, I ignore my fear. I don't want it to get in the way of my life with you. I wan't to be able to do these things with you," he smiles at me and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, telling me that he's alright. The cogs in my head start to turn, and I realise that I've been letting my fears get in the way of my life with him. Our life. I've been afraid to live, afraid to accept help, afraid to accept defeat and accept vulnerability. Afraid to try to get back up again incase I fail and fall. Then I make a decision of my own, I will start to ignore my fears. I will start to live my life, no matter what.

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><p><em><strong>Coming up...<strong>_

_"How could you do this?" he asks her __desperately, "how could you do this to me?"_

_"Tobias, I'm sorry. Please forgive me," she begs. She grabs onto his arm but he shoves her away harshly. _

_"What you did was unforgivable. You almost tore mine and Tris' hearts apart."_

_"I was selfish," she cries, "I just want the best for you son, I always have done."_

_"No! Ever since you left me, you've been unconcerned about my welfare. You don't have the right to want to look out for me, to want to 'protect' me. You left that right the day you walked away from me."_

_"I thought I was doing what's best for you, I couldn't have raised you factionless! You wouldn't have turned out to be who you are now!"_

_"Oh, so you're saying the beatings did me some good? Do you know what? You're just like him. In more ways than you think."_

_"Tobias," she wails, "please. I love you."_

_"Don't talk to me again. I don't want to see you."_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters. All rights go to Veronica Roth. **

**Thank you for your support!**

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><p><span>Chapter 12<span>

_**1 month later…**_

It's been 5 months since I woke up in that hospital bed. 5 months, that feel like a blur. I had wasted 4 months of my life, until that night on the ferris wheel, I decided I would waste it no longer. As a result, this past month has been easier, especially between Tobias and I. We laugh with each other again and enjoy talking nonsense, almost acting our age for once, although life has damaged us too much for that. Last night I started to feel unwell, and I only feel worse this morning.

"You sure you'll be okay?" He asks me, while changing his boots and t-shirt. He looks somewhat leaner than he used to, since he hasn't been working out his muscles as much these past months. However, he's started to train again with Zeke, before he loses all of his strength entirely.

"Tobias, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I watch as he pulls on a sweatshirt. I personally think that somehow, he looks even more handsome than he did the first moment I ever laid eyes on him. He looks wiser, more caring, and more free.

"I shouldn't be too long, just going up to Zeke's and back again."

"Alright, I'll see you soon," I say. He walks over to where I lie on the bed, and kisses my lips softly.

"See you soon," he smiles, then continues to kiss me further, putting in a lot more effort than necessary.

"Tobias!" I swat him away, laughing, "go!" He laughs and walks out the door, picking something out of one of the drawers in the living room and shoving it in the back of his pants. Even though I like to pretend that I don't see him, I know what it is that he retrieves from that same drawer every morning when he goes out. A gun. He never gets it out in front of me, and he probably thinks that I don't even know he has one in the apartment. But I've become very observant lately, and I take note of all these things. The gun doesn't bother me, it's the reason as to why he has it in the first place. Even though this city has been mended and greatly improved, it's by no means perfect, and after everything that we've been through, he's become almost naturally programmed to look out for danger and take care of himself. Sometimes the former factionless like to cause trouble, because they don't want any kind of government at all, even if it's run by the people. Most of them have been exiled, but some still remain. I'm presuming that Tobias takes the gun incase he runs into one of them while he's running, and they try to cause him trouble. Even though I'm sure he could probably do just as much damage with his bare hands. All I want is for him to be safe.

The pain in my abdomen is increasing, and I'm finding it incredibly uncomfortable. My back also hurts, and I generally feel terrible and not like myself. Everything is annoying me, and I couldn't get to sleep last night because of the dull, aching pain. I continue to lie on the bed for a while, before I decide to get up and use the bathroom, and get ready for the day. My arms have become much stronger, so now I can slide out of bed and into my wheelchair, and use the bathroom on my own. I can also attempt to get dressed myself, which gives me so much more freedom. I wheel into the bathroom and relieve myself, until I see something that was definitely unexpected. Blood. I shake off my concern, and get myself ready for the day. I pour out a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and eat it at the dining room table. Cereal is the only food that I can make for myself, due to how easy it is. It used to take me about 2 minutes to pour out a bowl of cereal, and now it takes 10. Regardless, it's still a massive improvement that I can do it without anyone else's help. I sit at the table, waiting for Tobias to return. He shouldn't be too long, because he never likes leaving me on my own, even though I assure him that I'm fine. As if on cue, he walks through the door, sweating and panting.

"Hey," he breaths, his chest rising and falling speedily.

"Hi, how was your run?" I watch him walk over to the fridge, pouring himself a cold glass of juice. He chugs it down and wipes his mouth using the back of his hand.

"Tiring, but I feel better for it," he smiles at me and pours his own bowl of cereal from the box and milk that I left on the counter. He shovels it down like he usually does with his food, not stopping for breath.

"Can we go to the hospital?" I ask, and he almost drops his spoon, looking up at me with a now worried expression plastered across his face.

"Do you feel worse? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing! Honestly, I just have some pack pain and want some pain killers for it. Maybe they need to inject something, I don't know…" I downplay the situation, not wanting to tell him the real reason for why I want to go.

"Yeah sure, I'll just take a shower and then we'll go," he's about to discard the rest of his uneaten cereal before I stop him.

"Please don't rush, I told you it's nothing. Take your time," he walks over to the table and sits next to me, finishing off his breakfast, my hand in his.

…

We're currently sat in the waiting room of the all too familiar hospital, my thumb relentlessly tapping on the side of my wheelchair. I try not to think about what the doctor will tell me, because it could be due to anything. Finally, a nurse with short blonde hair calls my name, "Beatrice Prior?" she asks.

"Yes," I raise my hand and she walks over to me.

"Dr. James will see you now," she smiles. Tobias starts to stand up, but I really don't want him to be in there.

"Um, do you mind if I go alone?" I ask him. He looks confused at first, but then sits back down and rubs my shoulder.

"Sure, just come and get me if you need me," he says. The nurse takes me to Dr. James' room, and leaves us to it. As per usual, Dr. James is sat at her desk, typing away furiously at her computer, before she notices that I've entered the room. She swivels round in her chair and gives me a bright, beaming smile.

"Tris! I didn't expect to see you today, how have you been?" She asks me.

"I've been better actually."

"Good, well you seem better. Then, can I ask, what is the problem?" I stare down at my lap, twiddling with my thumbs. "Tris, you know that you can tell me anything," she smiles at me comfortingly, and I take a deep breath and tell her what happened this morning.

"Well, I uh, had pains. And then when I went to the bathroom, there was, you know, blood."

"Is this the first time?"

"No, it first happened when I was 14. But it's the first time since the death serum."

"Well, your body is obviously mending itself. And you haven't been as stressed this past month, so this is a sign that your health it better."

"But I thought that this couldn't happen to me anymore. Since I can't have children," I feel frustrated even just talking about the topic.

"Tris," she sounds shocked and more than concerned, "what are you talking about?"

"I can't have children. My body doesn't work like it should. I was told on my first appointment here," continues to look at me in shock, which soon turns to anger.

"Did someone at the hospital directly inform you that you are incapable of reproducing?"

"Yes, the nurse that informed me of my test results. She told me that everything was fine except for the fact that I can't have children," I say, exasperated.

"Tris, I-" she frantically turns her chair around to her desk, shoving papers around and pulling out various files, "I am so sorry. I don't know what has happened. I performed the test myself, here," she hands me a piece of paper with my name on, which look like a bunch of numbers to me.

"I can't read this," I look up at her, shaking my head in utter confusion.

"That's your test result sheet. You _can_ have children. Everything was normal, evidently after today, we can see your body is working properly," she looks at me in sympathy, and places a hand on my knee.

"I, but, I-" my words get lodged in my throat and hot tears spill over my face. What is happening? Is this the truth? Could it be possible, that the thing that nearly tore Tobias and I apart, is not the matter at all? "I'm so confused! What happened? Why was I told this? Are you sure?" I almost yell, feeling on edge and jittery.

"I'm so sorry Tris. Obviously I am going to trace which nurse informed you of your results, and figure out what has happened."

"I want to see Tobias," I grip the piece of paper firmly in my hands.

"Of course," she presses a button on her desk, and soon after, the blonde nurse walks in. "Could you please fetch Beatrice's carer from the waiting room please?" The nurse nods and leaves promptly.

"We can't tell him unless you're absolutely positive that these results are correct," I say, gaining composure.

"I performed the exam myself, I can assure you that you were delivered the wrong information. The positive results on that piece of paper are correct and-" Dr. James is interrupted by Tobias storming into the room, obviously thinking there is something wrong with me. He walks over and crouches next to me, placing a hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" he asks me.

"They got it wrong," I whisper to him, while looking at the piece of paper in my hands.

"Got what wrong?" He takes the piece of paper out of my hands and examines it, "what does this mean?"

"I'm am so sorry to say this. But I am afraid that there was a mis-delivery regarding Tris' test results. One of our nurses gave her the wrong information."

"Wrong information? What are you talking about?" His voice sounds intimidating.

"I can have children Tobias," I look him in the eye to show my sincerity. He looks baffled, looking between me and Dr. James. He looks back at the piece of paper, reading over it.

"How did this happen?" He asks Dr. James, his face contorted with anger.

"If you just leave me for a moment, I can do some investigating at the reception desk," Dr. James promptly leaves the room, carrying my file. Tobias continues to stare at the piece of paper, shaking his head.

"This is great news Tris," his voice becoming softer, "I'll appreciate it more when I have an explanation as to why they put you through this in the first place."

"I know, it's okay. I'm angry too. But lets not allow the anger to cloud how good this news is. This is one more step towards a normal life," Dr. James comes back into the room, walking over to the computer and typing up a few things.

"The nurse that you saw on your first appointment here delivered you incorrect test results. Whether this was a misunderstanding, or whether she had other intentions, we do not know. Obviously, the hospital will carry out a full investigation and interrogation to find out exactly what happened. All we can offer to you is our sincere apologies, and you may perhaps be able to apply for compensation,"

"We don't want compensation," spits Tobias, "who is this nurse? Why can't she do her job properly?"

Dr. James ignores Tobias' questions and turns to me, "Tris, was there anything unusual about the moment you received the results? Did the nurse seem distracted in any way? Is there a possibility that you yourself could have misheard her or misinterpreted the information that she told you?"

"No, definitely not. She was quite, cold, with me. She told me that everything was fine, and then blurted out the fact that I couldn't have children. I asked if I could see the test results but she slammed my file shut and told me I wasn't allowed to see." Dr. James frowns and sits back in her chair with a sigh, rubbing her forehead with her hand.

"Why would she do that? I want to know her name," demands Tobias, "who is this nurse?"

"Nurse Evelyn Johnson, she's been working with us at the hospital since the city reformed." Tobias' eyes grow wide and his shoulders slouch. I look at his clenched jaw and fisted hands. His body starts to tremble, he looks like he's going to explode.

"Tobias?" I ask, shaking him a little, "what's wrong?"

"Where is she?" His voice, which sounds tight and unsteady, demands to be heard.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Any grievances that you may have need to be settled formally, I-"

"Tell me where she is!" He shouts.

"Tobias!" I cry, "What's wrong with you?" He continues to look at Dr. James, but when he realises that she isn't going to respond to his question, he begins to charge out of the room. I follow him, desperately pushing the wheels of my chair to keep up. I don't like this side of Tobias, I've not seen it for so long. Even though he isn't Dauntless anymore, and there aren't any factions to speak of, anyone in this hospital would be able to guess where he came from. He pushes every singe door open on his way down the long hallway, looking in each examination room. He turns the corners, pushing past nurses and trolleys, almost destroying everything in his wake. At the end of the hallway, we reach another ward. At the receptionist desk, there is one nurse sat at a computer, and the other is stood above her, seemingly showing her how to use the computer. I know who she is. She's Nurse Johnson, and Tobias stops in his tracks. Nurse Johnson looks up to see what all the commotion is about, and when I see the look on her face, I realise who she is. She knows Tobias. She knows Tobias, because he is her son. How could I forget that the nurse was Evelyn? I had seen her during the war, when we were staying in Abnegation, and the memory of her face had been torn away from my mind.

"You," Tobias says, in a quiet, deathly voice. He point to her and she swallows, hesitantly walking away from behind the desk, and slowly approaching us. "What are _you_ doing here?" He asks her.

"Hello Tobias. It's nice to see you-"

"I don't have the time or concern to exchange pleasantries with you."

"Very well. I work here. Isn't that obvious?" she sneers. Tobias walks up to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the nearby consultation room, I clumsily follow suit in my chair, pushing my way through the door.

"You know why I'm here. Don't act like you don't know what you did," she looks at him, pursing her lips, without saying a word. "Tell me it's not true. Tell me that you were just mistaken, that you didn't treat Tris like that," she still doesnt respond. She continues to stare at her feet, a mixture of sadness and anger on her face.

"I'm sorry," she mutters almost inaudibly.

Tobias releases a shaky breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, "how could you do this?" he asks her desperately, "how could you do this to me?"

"Tobias," her voice breaks, and her whole projection changes, "I'm sorry, please forgive me," she begs. She grabs onto his arm but he shoves her away.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because, I wanted you to have a good life. When I heard that you turned down that government job, in order to look after _her,"_ she points to me, "I couldnt watch you do it. I couldn't let you throw your life away-"

"So you figured that if I thought I couldnt have a family with Tris, I would leave her?"

"Well, I just-"

"What kind of person do you think I am?" He shouts, "I chose Tris. I'm not with her because I feel like I have to be, I'm the happiest I've ever been when I'm with her. My life has never been so happy, so rewarding. And you were about to destroy it!"

"I wasn't thinking straight, I wanted you to be happy. I didnt think that you would be happy with her,"

"No, what you wanted was for me to gain power. So that you could then also gain it for yourself."

"Those were not my intentions whatsoever!"

"What you did was unforgivable. You almost tore mine and Tris' hearts apart." There's silence in the room, except for Tobias' heavy breathing and Evelyn's desperate sobs. I sit frozen in my chair, not having a single word to say. This is an argument between Evelyn and Tobias, one that has been brewing for far too long. This isn't just about what Evelyn did to me, it's about what she did to Tobias. She left him, and he's never understood why.

"I was selfish," she cries, "I just want the best for you son. I always have done."

"No! Ever since you left me, you've been unconcerned about my welfare. You don't have the right to want to look out for me, to want to 'protect' me. You left that right the day you walked away from me. When I was a helpless child. You left me in the hands of a monster."

"I thought I was doing what's best for you, I couldnt have raised you factionless! You wouldnt have turned out to be who you are now!"

"Oh, so you're saying that the beatings did me some good?" He pauses, looking to the ground and shaking his head. "Do you know what? You're just like him. In more ways than you think."

"Tobias!"

"And you know what the worst part is? I was going to forgive you. I thought that maybe one day I would be able to look at you without feeling a knife pierce through my heart. Without feeling unloved. I thought I might be able to understand, to realise that you just made a mistake. But now, I can clearly see that was never going to be the case. I can't forgive you for what you continue to do to me," he turns away from her, grasping the push handles on my chair.

"Tobias," she wails, "please. I love you."

"Don't talk to me again," he mutters, "I don't want to see you." He pushes me out the door, leaving a sobbing Evelyn behind him. I continue to stay frozen, trembling slightly at the argument I just witnessed. I don't say anything to Tobias, because what is there to say? He was unfortunate enough to have two parents that caused him hardship, and now, in order to make a better life for himself, he's had to leave them both behind.

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><p><em><strong>Coming up…<strong>_

_Standing there, is a girl who looks similar to myself. Her once long hair has been cut short, and she looks worn out. She has aged considerably, now looking older than her age of 17. She wears a long black coat, her cheeks tinted pink from the cold winter air. Her eyes are bright with anticipation, but teary with loss. She nods politely at Tobias, and fixes her gaze on me, her mouth twitching upwards. "Come in," says Tobias, quieter than usual. She walks over to where I'm sat on the couch, pulling me into a tight hug._

_"Beatrice," she whispers in my ear. I haven't had anyone call me that In a while. "Sorry, I forgot you prefer Tris," she pulls away and laugh slightly, while looking at me with a saddened expression. Like her, I have changed considerably since my days in Abnegation, although my appearance is much more shocking than hers. I know she'll be concerned by my even paler complexion and hallowed cheeks, my skinnier body and limp legs. Even though I look ten times better than I did 4 months ago, I still don't look my best._

_"Hello," I don't really trust my voice, it comes out uneven and timid. I pat the empty seat next to me, and Tobias takes her long coat, while she sits down. Unlike our new ones, her clothes are a mixture of the old factions. She wears a grey Abnegation jumper with red Amity Jeans, and boots from Dauntless. I suppose Tobias and I are very lucky, because of what we did for the city, and because of my condition, we get given luxuries for free, we never have to worry about clothing or food, or even paying for this expensive and well-heated apartment. I forgot that people in the city are still struggling, especially those who haven't quite found their place yet._

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	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- I do not own Divergent or any of its characters all rights go to Veronica Roth. **

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><p><span>Chapter 13<span>

_**2 weeks later…**_

This morning was the happiest I've ever felt in a long time. Actually, it's the happiest I've ever felt, because I don't remember a time when I felt more hopeful and positive as this. When I look back over the past few months, I get images of pain and suffering, of feeling down and helpless. But lately, things have started to change for the better. I remember most things now, especially the memories that I shared with my friends. I remember the time that Christina cut my hair, and when her and Marlene gave me Dauntless clothes. I remember nearly everything that happened with Tobias, and the first impressions that I had of him, when I only knew him as a man named 'Four'. unfortunately, some negative memories have also resurfaced over the past couple of weeks, such as my encounter with Jeanine Matthews. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming, drenched in sweat. I remember the fear landscapes and terrible nightmares that I endured through the fear serum. It takes a while for Tobias to wake me up from my disturbing dreams, because they seem so real. Now that I understand what they are and why they feel so real, I'm finding it easier to cope with them. I've also been regularly attending my hospital appointments, and allowing Tobias to carry out physical therapy, especially on my legs. Overall, my health has much improved and I'm only going upwards from here. A few days ago, I remembered my friend Susan from Abnegation. She was a kind, selfless person, who was always there for me to talk to. Apparently, she's been working for a support centre which helps people who's lives and families were destroyed by the war. It's a charity, obviously helping her to remain strong to her Abnegation roots. She's visiting the apartment today, and it will be the first time that I've seen her since we left the city.

"Do you think she knows about Caleb?" Tobias asks me.

"Yes, when I spoke to her on the phone, she told me that she had been to visit them all at the other end of the city," I reply.

"Did she say anything else?"

"She told me that we would talk today when she gets here. She'll be any minute now," I sit in our main living area, comfortably on the couch. However, my gaze never shifts from the front door. The call box on the wall buzzes, and Tobias walks up to answer it.

"Hello?" He, pauses for a moment, listening to who I presume to be Alice, "Yeah, thanks, send her up." He turns around to look at me, giving me a small smile. He knows that I must e nervous to see Susan. I wait patiently, playing with the hem of my shirt, until we hear steps outside the apartment. There's a polite knock at the door, and Tobias slowly opens it. Standing there, is a girl who looks similar to myself. Her once long hair has been cut short, and she looks worn out. She has aged considerably, now looking older than her age of 17. She wears a long black coat, her cheeks tinted pink from the cold winter air. Her eyes are bright with anticipation, but teary with loss. She nods politely at Tobias, and fixes her gaze on me, her mouth twitching upwards. "Come in," says Tobias, quieter than usual. Susan doesn't hesitate to walk over to where I'm sat on the couch, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Beatrice," she whispers in my ear. I haven't had anyone call me that In a while. "Sorry, I forgot you prefer Tris," she pulls away and laugh slightly, while looking at me with a saddened expression. Like her, I have changed considerably since my days in abnegation, although my appearance is much more shocking than hers. I know she'll be concerned by my even paler complexion and hallowed cheeks, my skinnier body and limp legs. Even though I look ten times better than I did 4 month ago, I still don't look my best.

"Hello Susan," I don't really trust my voice, it comes out uneven and timid. I pat the empty seat next to me, and Tobias takes her long coat, while she sits down. Unlike our new ones, her clothes are a mixture of the old factions. She wears a grey Abnegation jumper with red Amity Jeans, and boots from Dauntless. I suppose Tobias and I are very lucky, because of what we did for the city, and because of my condition, we get given luxuries for free, we never have to worry about clothing or food, or even paying for this expensive and well-heated apartment. I forgot that people in the city are still struggling, especially those who haven't quite found their place yet.

"How have you been Tris? I heard about what happened to you a few months ago. I didn't want to come and visit you because I thought you would never remember me again."

"I'm better now than I was a while ago. My memory has almost fully resurfaced, and I have feeling everywhere except for my legs," I notice Tobias busy himself in the kitchen, obviously giving us some time to catch up with one another.

"That's good to hear," her voice is week and thick with emotion. I dread to think of what she has been through.

"What about you? Do you like your new job?"

"I'm not too bad. My job is great, I've only had it a couple of months. Of course, it doesn't pay well compared to the other jobs in the city but it's about the only thing that I can do with my lack of skill. The only thing I know is taking care of others, and the hospital isn't taking on any more nurses," she looks at the floor sadly.

"What happened when we left the city? After we released the video?" She pauses before answering me, this is obviously a difficult topic for her to speak about. "I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it," she takes in a deep breath and looks back up at me, smiling.

"No, it's fine. I was held in a cell by Evelyn and her lackeys right up until you stopped the Bureau and Evelyn was taken down from power. After that, I shadowed the rest of the remaining factionless, the ones who didn't have any skills and therefore were less likely to be allocated a job and a place to live. Eventually, I made my way back to my old Abnegation house and reclaimed it. They're allowing me to live there until they've finished the more basic apartments, which I'll be given. I pretty much did anything for money: cleaning, childcare, clothes sorting, until I left for the other end of the city. I heard from an informant that Caleb was there, working with the new science and medical centre. When I got there, I was obviously shocked that he no longer remembered who I was. Christina works as a receptionist, while Will and Cara work in the laboratories. Christina was telling me that Caleb is studying science and medicine again, and that he's picking it up very quickly," she laughs a little at this, "so I stayed there in nearby accommodation for a while. I tried to get a receptionist or secretary job, but I don't think I have enough 'backbone' for that. Eventually, I returned back to my home in Abnegation, where my brother visited me and told me about the care centre. He now works in farming and food supplies, and he was out supplying food to the care centre when he saw the poster advertising for help. They took me on straight away, allocating me a small apartment, and a supply of clothes and food."

"That's one hell of a journey Susan. You should have come to us sooner, especially if you were struggling,"

"I didn't want to bother you, I figured you had it worse. Sure, it's been tough and I couldn't afford heat or decent food, but I got through it. Many people have been in the same position. But soon, with the help of the care organisation, there will be no more suffering."

"I hope so," I say.

"If you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask us," Tobias says, who's now sat at the opposite sofa.

"Thank you for your kindness, but I am honestly on the right track now," she smiles at us both, reiterating her point.

"So, um, do you know how Caleb is?" I hate to admit it, but my brother often plagues my thoughts, even though I know it isn't him anymore.

"Well," Susan hesitates, "he's actually doing very well under the circumstances. He's got a promising future ahead of him, and he never has to worry about his past." She looks down at her lap for a second, frowning and chewing on the inside of her cheek, "him and Cara are actually pretty close now. They, er, they have an apartment together." I stare at her in shock for a moment, and a wave of emotion overcomes me. I know that the Caleb on the other end of the city isn't really my brother, but the thought of him having a future, with a wife and children just seems absurd to me, when theoretically, he's dead. I can't imagine how hard this must be on Susan, when she had such a soft spot for him.

"I suppose that's good for him," I nod my head, persuading myself more than anyone else. Tobias looks at me in concern, but I try to ignore it, if I look at him now I'm sure I will crumble. I do _not_ want to crumble in front of Susan.

"You're right," she pulls out her wrist and examines her watch, "oh, Tris, I'm sorry I couldn't stay for long but I really must get to work, I'm on the night shift tonight. We go on a tour of the city and look out for anyone who is homeless."

"That's okay, you'll have to come round and visit again soon. It gets kind of lonely when all you can do is sit around," I laugh a humourless laugh and Susan gives me a pitiful look, which I dislike. But with Susan, it's not because she thinks that you're weak, it's because she really does care about how you feel. She stands up and Tobias' fetches her jacket, holding it out for her to put her arms in. She leans down and embraces me in another hug, which is something that we would have never of done before.

"I will visit you as much as I can," she promises in my ear.

"Thank you. Please, take care of yourself," I whisper back. Before I know it, she's out of my arms and out the door, facing the cold winter night. Tobias sits next to me on the sofa, pulling me into his own arms. I lean my head on his solid chest, breathing in his comforting sent and settling in his warm, strong embrace. It's times like these where I never feel safer and more reassured. He plays with my hair, leaning his head on top of my head, while we sit in comfortable silence. I shift my body so that I'm closer to his, but my legs fall off the side of the sofa. Tobias leans over to pull my legs back up, and pulls them so that they're in a curled position. When my shins hit the back of my thighs, a shooting pain goes through my knees and I cry out. The pain travels down the front of my shins, towards the ends of my toes. This is the first time I've felt anything in my legs in almost 6 months. I grunt in pain, clenching my jaw and squeezing my eyes shut.

"Tris?" Tobias sits up, still holding me, "what's hurting?"

"M-my, ah!" The pain travels upwards, like an electric shock, "my legs!" I almost shout. Tobias stares at me in shock for a moment before carefully lifting me off the sofa and carrying me into the bedroom quickly. The bedroom is where all of the medical equipment is housed, and Tobias knows how to use it. He lies me down on the bed, pulling my legs straight in front of me, and elevating the top half of the bed slightly so I'm almost sitting up. He rushes into the built-in cupboard that's near the bed, pulling out the IV equipment and various other equipment that was used on my hips when I regained feeling in them. He pulls off my trousers and starts to attach the various electrodes and velcro ties to them, in order to monitor blood movement and muscle spasms. I'm currently sweating in pain, and feeling very weak and almost delirious. I know exactly what is happening, the death serum that has been lying dormant in the muscles in my legs is starting to move around due to the medicine the hospital has been giving me. It's either looking for something new to destroy and attach to, or simply escape. It works like a real live organism or bacteria. Tobias inserts a catheter to the inside of my arm, hooking me up to a drip. The drip supplies the counter-action death serum directly into my blood stream, which will break down the molecules and hopefully relieve me of my pain. He also injects pain relief, which thankfully starts to work almost instantly. I'm panting with the overwhelming sensation, I felt like I was being overcome by the death serum all over again. It didn't feel like this when I regained feeling in my hips, most likely because it was a smaller and less-effected area. "You'll be alright now Tris," Tobias reassures me, wiping my brow and attaching a cooling migraine strip. I weakly nod my head in reply, too tired to say anything else. I'm thankful that he's able to work so efficiently and effectively. He knows exactly how to take care of me and how to treat my condition, even better than they do at the hospital. He arranges all of the materials and sets up the side of my bed with the different ECG and EEG machines, to measure my heart rate and brainwaves. In the space of about 20 minutes, our bedroom has been turned into a hospital room. When he's finally finished, he tidies up and washes his hands, returning from the bathroom with a glass of water, setting it down beside the bed. He runs a hand over my hair, and I open my eyes slightly, managing to move my hand to weakly pat the empty space next to me on the bed. I see him smile slightly, walking round to the other side. He takes of his shoes and pants, and slides under the covers, careful not to move me too much. However this bed is so big, that wouldn't even be possible.

"Thank you," I croak out, barely even audibly.

"Shh," he says, lying on his side and running his thumb across my cheek. "This is good. It means that your legs are finally improving," he smiles at me and I manage a weak one to return to him. I soon drift off, taken over by all the drugs, with Tobias' protective arm slung across my stomach.

_**2 weeks later…**_

"Do it again," he grins at me in amazement. I laugh and do as he says.

"Are you going to keep making me do this?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"You bet. I could watch you forever. After everything that's happened Tris, it's just amazing." I mirror his smile with my own, whilst I continue to wiggle my toes and bed my legs from where we're situated on the bed. Over these past couple of days, I've been able to move my legs and feet without any pain at all. They're not very strong, but I can feel them and move them. That is the most important thing. The day after it happened, we rushed to hospital to make sure everything was alright. The doctors told us it was better than alright, and that I was showing immense signs of improvement. They told us that it would be a while before I could hold my own weight, but there is definitely more than just a chance of it happening. It's almost a certainty. For once in my life, something is certain. And it feels better than ever.

"I can't wait until the day that I can finally walk again," I shake my head in disbelief.

"Neither can I, it will change our lives again. But this time, for the better."

"I know. All this hard work that you put into the apartment, and I may not even need it all soon."

"That doesn't matter. I would build it all ten times over if it meant that you could walk at the end of it."

"I know," I smile. "Would you still want to live here? I mean, I love it, but I just wonder sometimes if you're only here because of my condition. I mean, we could get somewhere on a higher floor or a house with stairs in it. If that's what you wanted."

"What I want is you. I could be in a mud hut and it wouldn't matter as long as I had you with me," he rolls over and trails his finger along my arm. "Besides, I was um, thinking that maybe…not now…but maybe someday in the future we could find something to do with those two spare rooms."

"You mean like, turn them into a gym or office or something?" I stare at him, confused.

"No Tris," he laughs breathily and gulps. "I meant, they could be turned into bedrooms."

"For who?"

"Maybe an extension of the family?" He turns around, looking flushed and nervous. "You know, I've been thinking a lot. When you're finally better, I'd quite like to take Johanna up on her job offer." For a moment, I ignore his statement about us starting a family, and allow him to distract me with talk about his career.

"I would love for you to do that. I think you would be really good at it, and it would help us to carry on and be more…normal. If normal even exists."

"Yeah. I mean, I would stay home with you if that's what you wanted. But I just feel like sometimes I need a distraction and something to channel my energy into."

"I don't want you to stay at home with me forever. You need to get out there, we both do. We're still so young and we shouldn't waste our lives after everything that we've done to get here. I mean, I don't know if I'll have a chance of a career any time soon, but you do. You have an amazing chance, and you should take it whilst you can."

"Yeah…" he pauses and chews on his lip, looking up at the ceiling. I know he wants me to talk about the other conversation point he just brought up. The dreaded one about the family.

"And I would also love to have a family with you one day. I think it's great that now we have a chance of that. But like I said, we're still so young. So we don't need to have that conversation any time soon."

"I know. I didn't want to freak you out. I just think it's amazing that we're going to be able to carry on in some kind of 'normal' way. Guess I couldn't contain my hopes for our future." He smiles and kisses me on the forehead.

"I don't want you to contain your hopes Tobias. Our hopes are what keeps us alive."

We've come so far, and I know that there is even further for us to go. But now, we can continue our journey through our life with less pain, less suffering. I'm hopeful for our future, and the future of our children, and their children, and so on. I'm hopeful that our future generations will not have to do the things that we did. See the things that we saw. And felt the dreadful things that we felt. That is what keeps me going. Even though I almost destroyed myself, I did it for a reason that was a whole lot more important than myself. More important than Tobias and I, or our friends. I did it for a world that may one day be peaceful. And we have found that world, no matter how small it may be. It's our little world, in this small, damaged city. It's not yet perfect, but there is hope. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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><p><em><strong>The end. <strong>_

**I am so sorry for not updating this story in about a month! I know you had to wait so long for this to be the final chapter, I'm sorry if you're disappointed. I've had this chapter half finished for so long, and I didn't quite know how to end it. However, since it isn't really a stand-alone story I thought this casual ending was fitting. I've kind of had to leave the Divergent world for a while, I've been spending time writing my modern day story, because I just needed a break from factions and war and all that depressing stuff! **

**Thank you for those of you have read this and took this journey with me right from the start of 'I chose Abnegation'. I'm happy to say that AU world is finished now. I enjoyed writing it all so much and hearing your kind, encouraging words. **


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